Goodbye 2011

Hello 2011.

Party hard, party smart!

This is for Yesterday LI - Going Through My Mind

Yesterday was my last day at my agency. My work experience there is full of ups and downs, but together with a great supportive team, I have made it to the very end. Thanks for making this year productive!

On a second note, saw a cute mature gay couple at Hilton KL yesterday. I was so Kay Poh trying to get a better view of them, haha.

Now I need sleep before the countdown party tonight. Zzz.

This is for Yesterday L - Last Day Madness

Stayed up till 5am on my second last day last day of work.

Just woke up in fact.

Going straight to my farewell lunch now.

I actually got a minor bonus too despite being a contract staff. Happy a little, but still not planning to stay.

I can't wait for rest to arrive.

The year is ending. Love you all!

Gained Triglycerides

Yes. It is confirmed. And no, it is not due to the fluffy bunny game yesterday.

Depression.

Major diet starts now! OOOSH!

Man, I'm so easy to manipulate.

List of food I ate in China: Generic Chinese food with plenty of salt and oil. Meh.
List of food I ate in China: McDonald's Taro Pie, egg tarts and other pastries, dim sum, crab, seafood congee, la la, squid ink pasta, egg waffles, wantan noodles, beef brisket noodles, Gong Cha which tastes exactly the same as here, octopus and meaty innards, bamboo noodles, roast goose, suckling pig and char siew, dumplings, many more.

This is for Yesterday XLIX - Tipsy

Celebrated a close friend's cousin's 21st birthday today. Lost the last few drinking games, so its still coursing through my veins a little.

I still have much to tell about China/HK, but I'll save it for another time.

3 more days to go.

Choosing Is A Little Easier

Had to make rain checks on several people today. At first, the decision making was a little stressful, and I wised I could split myself literally into four. However, I decided using one guideline: be with the people who sincerely wants to be with you.

I think I have grown up a little.

Proud. :)

Tomorrow I start my journey towards the end of my first job. There will be drama and turns here and there, but I'll survive.

Happy boxing day everyone!

Merry Christmas 2011

After a long travel period, I am happy to be back in Malaysia settling back into normality (of which will be disrupted due to a life changing moment to end the year, but I digress). Money has been spent, and this would propel me to find my next frontier to soar through without too much search done. But first, I must regain my muse, my health, and my resolutions for the coming year.

In all, I;'m still all about relationships, and I don't mean just the romantic parts. I love the people around me, and that is every reason I am existing. Yet, I am human, but it still isn't a good enough reason not to try hard enough.

I... love the people I love dearly. Truly.

To those blessed to know how much, congratulations. To those who have yet to feel the same way, give me room to try more.

I love you Lord. Merry Christmas to all. Merry Christmas to me.

Calm Before The Storm

Back in my homeland after a week in China with the family. Great fun, greasy food, and generous portions of sickening on the way home. Spent the whole day resting, but I'll only be able to fully enjoy a recovered body halfway through the HK trip (or at least that's what I'm hoping). Tonsils have started to terrorize again to my dismay and much endured pain and irritation. Taking my final dose of antibiotics for the year.

Next year, the resolution is to be healthy beyond healthy.

To be honest, I'm completely clueless about HK. I'm relying on my sisters for their awesome power of awesome power. Some kind of brother I am, right? My Cantonese suck balls and my knowledge is as bad. We'll see what happens.

Will be back for Christmas. Toodles!

Oh, and the next 4 days, my blog will be on hiatus. Postings will resume on Christmas Day. Happy holidays!

Xiamen.

Home

I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus

The Twelve Days Of Christmas

Somewhere Out There

We Wish You A Merry Christmas

All I Want For Christmas Is You

Oh Holy Night

Fly Off To The Unknown

I still don't know where I'm going, and leaving the house in 30 minutes, and the country in 2.5 hours.

As long as I'm with my families and the full cousin congregation, everything should be fine.

For the next 1 week, I dedicate a song each day to you.

Breaking Point

Today had a close friend train me at the gym. It was intense to the point of physical and mental exhaustion, but I trust my friend.

We have talked about various ethical, social and moral issues together the most compared to other friends. So, while he is back for a short break from Australia, I must layan him well.

And yes, I learned plenty of painful truths of gaining weight. You have to make yourself sick of eating, literally.

Tomorrow will be achy. I'm flying tomorrow and I still am completely clueless where I am going.

This is for Yesterday XLVIII - Family Outing

No, just went out with the cousins that are already here. Nothing much, but it can get so tiring!

Ugh.

This is for Yesterday XLVII - My First AD. My Last AD?

Yesterday was my last day with my first AD, a momentous moment that ended with an extremely late night (or morning) of tedious corporate collaterals. A little disappointing actually, since we were planning to go have Bak Kut Teh together.

I also learnt the truth of what exactly goes on in my agency, the bare truth, the sad truth. I can't believe money can turn people into such childish idiots, disappointing really. No matter how much stature you may possess, if you can't even deal with these small issues maturely, stop calling yourself a boss.

Haih.

Disgusted, disappointed, horrified.

I have the weekend to rest and catch up with friends before the China/HK trip with family.

This is for Yesterday XLVI - Last Day With My First AD

Today I am going to pamper my AD like there's no tomorrow.

That's all.

Glad my younger sister is back! Catching up is just what I needed.

When People Have Never Heard Of Damage Control

I just love long titles that is basically a statement. Hohoho.

Found out that another one person is being let off at the end of the year, and that another is leaving in mid February. I wonder if management really has any sense of damage control. Yes, you have to take care of the company's overall, but if you don't approach the rest of us and talk it out, you will lose us soon enough too.

Silly, really. Respect can only get that far.

My health is still on the verge. I have two more days working with my art director. I will dearly miss her. Really.

Must plan something awesome...

Ideas?

A Sotong Hand Farewell

An AM left today. Thanks for the Nasi Kukus lunch feast!

I have this thing where I only add my colleagues on FaceBook once they leave (or I leave). Now, I have three on my list (minus the one I already knew from the start).

Healthy is still wavering.

My last day with my AD is this Friday, and gotta deal with the Secret Santa gift buying before that too with the already horrid work hours. Meh. Chaos will ensue.

Curaga!

I cannot get sick, but it seems to be happening.

With ~40 family members on the trip, I cannot be the plague bearer.

Was talking about the removal of Hang Tuah and friends from our history textbooks and came out with this:

Hung Hunk Hang Tuah.

LOL.

The New Low

For myself and a couple of things, but I shall begin.

Yesterday I saw someone stepping out of the steam room/sauna as I was walking into the showers and he had the most lean body I had seen in a while (in real life) and it was all dripping wet. Sexual attraction aside, I was flabbergasted at the amount of effort and discipline required to get to that kind of body type. He wasn't extremely muscular like many bigger sized people; he was just lean in all the mean ways. When I finished showering he was near my locker drying his pecs (which I find completely weird. Can't you just towel dry?).

Jealous betul.

Got to do some catch up with friends and family of differing levels today; a pluck of high school friends who I'm out to for breakfast, a dear ex-mentor, and a small preview of the largest family clan gathering to date (minus the one during my grandfather's funeral).

Planned to go to the gym too, but failed miserably. I shall do that tomorrow morning!

Not completely well, and haven't completely recovered over the weekend. Must not get worse!

Love you readers!

This is for Yesterday XLV - Joker is My Uncle

Cousin: Before I get attached, I must be able to stand well on my two feet.

Uncle: But if you have a girlfriend, then you have 4 feet in total, that's more stable.

BAZINGA!

The Doctor Prescribed Fried Chicken Amongst Others

Ended work early today.

Went out with din din session with friend and snowflake after.

Simple chat, but it feels so fulfilling. The dynamics of talking to a straight guy who you are open to changes completely (as long as you make it clear than you are not after them).

I wish I could find my partner as easy as I find my good friends.

Love you all.

Enjoy the week!

This is for Yesterday XLIV - Syok Sendiri

Today I created the lamest joke:

Friend: (Unaudible muttering.)
Me: Huh?
Friend: Nothing, I'm just talking to myself.
Me: I'm myself too.

Muahahahaha. The power of lameness shines truly in high stress moments.

This is for Yesterday XLIII - Delaying My Richening Further

Ugh, there are so many people's farewell celebration, most of my expenses are on food alone. I have to delay my richening further.

Getting sick progressively, but trying to turn that around. Ugh.

Self Quote of Yesterday:

"WHEN RUNNING AWAY FROM PAST, DON'T RUN BACK TOWARDS IT."

Slow to Pick Up

I just found out another AD is leaving in mid January, and an AM a few days after a designer's last day tomorrow. The kill record is mounting higher. And obviously, I'm the last to know these things.

Boss, I respect you in some ways, but I can't respect you for this type of management. Haih. Gonna drink some Milo and pop some pills before sleep. I hate this life, but I need to survive this final lap of the year.

No Steroids

I'll take my body where it should go, so no hard drugs for me, thank you.

Focus Blur

You know when you manually focus with a camera on a target then point it at another subject at a difference distance quickly and then back at the original target, you get that sort of motion blur of focus? I experienced that today! I was staring at a huge alphabet on some book, then when the waiter brought another object to cover part of the letter, my focus shifted to the tray even though I was still staring at the alphabet. It happened for a split second, of which the waiter moved at the alphabet came into full view and proper focus again. Wow! Sorry, I get all excited for all the strangest things.

Just some time ago there was a new invention, a light field camera, which snaps a photograph with infinite zoom. It's a little complicated, but I promise you it's really groovy. You can try the inifinite zoom effect in their gallery here.

Been on a roll with watching Running Man, still not as great as Happy Together, but still. Yoo Jae-Seok is still as awesome as ever.

Hmmm, all my friends are asking me to shop in Hong Kong. Will try to do more hardware shopping than fashion though; that I'll do in Thailand.

Just discovered that another high school classmate is gay. My class alone has three already (that we know so far). What are the odds?

Hope tomorrow will be a blast!

The Puppet Dies

Had banana leaf rice with some of the uni mates, glad to do some catching up!

Then was supposed to go swim, but rain fell. I stayed at home to try to rehydrate my parched body.

Used the LRT to get to KLCC this time, and I think it was the best lesson learnt from last week's MPO session.

Met the friends and had dinner together.

Then the MPO began.

Rimsky-Korsakov was an appropriate start, setting the mood of an emotional ride for the rest of the night. Being in the second row muffled the acoustics a little... Oh well...

Dvorak's Violin Concerto by Benjamin Beilman showed a little hesitation with the down-bow movements in the first part, but gradually got better. He is young and still have long to go.

It ended with Stravinsky's Petrouchka, a depressing and agitated story of a puppet who ends up dead, in a way of sorts. It's psychedelic, with moments of urgency and agitation at every corner, but ends with a sense of mystery unsolved. A strange way to end an MPO, but great job to Hans Graf for conducting.

Timpanist was a male with interesting short and even mohawk, and last week's concert master is now playing as the second lead. Was able to see Mr Asia violist up close, and even had peeks at Uncle Double Bass. Saw plenty of familiar faces from last week upon turning around too.

Overall, a very enjoyable day.

This is for Yesterday XLII - Woke Up at 11

Yeah, one of those rare moments my body gave up on me. Ugh. Hope today will be better.

Tearing A Little

An FA Artist left today, and she was one of the best person to have around, lighting the office up with her innocence and optimism. She's a mum, but she treats us all like her own children. I teared a little.

It's gonna be harder now.

I just have to last a little longer.

China trip leave finally approved.

Weekend is almost here, can't wait!

Mid-Week Mid-Afternoon

A rare moment of blogging, since the presentation at the client took the entire morning and a little of the afternoon, and just got back from lunch with colleagues since my house is the checkpoint me and my AD. It went relatively well, but work will pile higher.

The middle of the week already feels burdensome.

But, I'll never stop loving!

Edit: Got back earlier, but there's still much work to do for the rest of the week month year. Completed Wind-Up Knight fully, what an achievement. Also managed to book tickets for MPO this weekend with friends; what fun!

This is for Yesterday XLI - Breasty

Developed a new term at work some time back: Breasty.

It means... full of breasts, or perhaps... filled breasts.

Sounds so vulgar! Thank my lack of sleep, staying up with my AD until 2 am, what with a 9.30 am presentation with the client.

Meh.

This is for Yesterday XL - Buah Kaki Pisang

Buah Kaki Pisang = Persimmon.

I learn something new everyday.

Noticed the cooler roman numeral now that No. 50 is approaching? L = 50 obviously, so XL = 40.

Ugh... it's Monday and I already dread the entire week. Oh Lord, give me the strength to overcome.

Somehow managed to join colleagues to eat Dai Chao at New Paris Restaurant; the things we do for food.

Lord of the Flies Revisited

What if... and I'm only doing this for the sake of curiosity and science. What if there was a scene like in the book Lord of the Flies where a group of prepubescent boys are stranded on an island alone, but this time the premise is that all of them are gay? Yes, I'm still sane and being horny did not get the better of me. What would happen? How would a sexuality factor change something controlled?

Hmmm.

I have a lot of thoughts now, but they are all jumbled up and a little inappropriate for this blog.

The weekend was not too shabby with the MPO as the highlight, but still can be better. Picked up a friend from the airport too a moment ago. He's really stressed with his studies, so I hope it gets better for him. I hope it gets better for myself too anyway.

+OIL

~6 Minutes To Get This Out: MPO

Okay, made it for the update, let's go.

Today woke up late.

Arrange plans for the entire day, but things still looks a little wishy-washy.

Met friend for lunch, and then joined by another friend to walk around.

Then traveled all the way to KLCC to attempt to by MPO tickets on the spot.

Suceeded.

Spent time lepak-ing around, but I hate it when I have nothing specific to do but wait with no one accompanying. I even went to Kinokuniya and attempted to find a children's book I wanted to hunt for for a long time. It was in stock, but the children's section was so messed up I couldn't find it. Tsk.

Time soon passed and I sat in the hall.

First piece: Parry - Elegy for Brahms. Excellent piece for a melodic opening by the orchestra.

Second piece (the much anticipated one): Beethoven - 3rd Piano Concerto. The piano was a little heavy and the orchestra drowned a little, but otherwise an interesting rendition. The cadence section by the pianist was shockingly fast and agitated. Not too shabby.

Third piece: Brahms - Symphony No. 2. This was the shining star, great performance by the orchestra. It was an amazing 4 movements of differing techniques with a right shining ending. Liked much.

Kudos to Alexander Shelley, Conductor, Jean-Efflam Bavouzet, Piano, and the MPO. Will be back next week for Petrouchka! I wish I could afford the priciest tickets...

Jammed all the way back.

Finito.

Hope tomorrow will be good. I seriously need to gym.

This is for Yesterday XXXIX - Intimate Birthdays And The Other

Okay Bestie, I too am tired of the "This is for Yesterday" series, now reaching 39.

Today, left work feeling agitated, knowing that I might have to work on the weekend. Meh.

Went to a mutual friend's girlfriend of whom I am totally not close to, but the feeling of being in their extended family who welcome you with open arms is a good feeling indeed.

After that went to drag a closer friend out of his house for yum cha session, and he follows a little hesitantly. Weird how intimacy can be reversed sometimes.

This weekend will be packed, but I'm not exactly sure what it will be packed with anyway. Here's to a bearable weekend!

Edit: Oh, and I just hate how when I chat, I start and end with a same expression. For example: "haha lorem ipsum dolow sit amet haha" or "ok lorem ipsum dolor sit amet ok". I'm weird...

This is for Yesterday XXXVIII - Corporate Limbo

Another late nighter, but you know you have done something worthwhile when you can be proud of even corporate jobs. I shall wallow in that pride a little longer.

Also got the Starbucks Card finally. I still think it is the bane of their existence; each time there is a Starbucks Card purchase at the counter, the staff go bonkers in all the wrong way. Talk about confusion.

Tonight is another uncertainty. Bestie, have a safe flight!

This is for Yesterday XXXVII - I'm Making Money

Award season is approaching, and the agency is trying to fuel the creatives to a higher level. However, I am trying to produce great work for boring, but high paying clients. I really have no time. When I was discussing with my SAD, he asked me why not brainstorm over the weekend. I replied, do you think I don't have a life? Plus, these few weekends have been work filled to some extent. I don't think my productivity is being appreciated much at all, considering the other creative groups have their hands cleaner with us slaving away on this account.

I am proud of what I do, and if you expect me to die for the agency, I'm sorry, but it's not worth it.

Meeting in about an hour and I'm totally empty. I even had a bad dream where other teams presented walls of ideas (literally). I don't considered myself screwed, but I am a little disappointed that I couldn't be a contributing factor as much as the rest. It's not guilt, it's my silently deafening productivity.

To surviving this week. Bestie, I hope we can have dinner tonight as planned...

Of Tunneling, Erector Simulation and Nozzleman

Tedious BTL all the way, but I can still find humor in all these dirty-able terms.

Not horny by the way, just creativity at work.

Managed to get business-sy-type copy done for tomorrow too, phew.

A good friend is coming back from Australia on Sunday. I can't wait to see him again, missing him much. (He is straight and I'm already out to him, just in case you're wondering.)

Still haven't bought my tickets for this Saturday. And I just found out there will be a Petrouchka performance the following week too. Yay me, but poor bank account.

Here's to a good mid-week!

Edit: I also ate 2 lunches, and ate 2 nasi kukus within a day. Ugh...

Sloth and Gluttony

Today, I woke up feeling not particularly rested, but not altogether exhausted. It wasn't the best feeling to start a day. The entire day I was feeling very unproductive, very lazy, very tired, very sleepy, very peckish to the point that I'm munching on something every hour. It's like sloth and gluttony is totally on me today. A colleague also just came back from Hong Kong with egg rolls. Addiction is on me!

That's why I decided to go to the gym upon leaving my work early for the first time in like two months. Did my regular cardio, but limited myself on the weights since I just gymed fully yesterday. Guilt is gone, and good sleep is almost assured. (Come on, give it to me this once!)

3 eggs only today, I didn't need the full course anyway.

Presentation tomorrow morning, pickup point for a group of colleagues is my house, because the client is so close. A little weird, but it's not like I have anything to hide.

10 Eggs, Exhaustion, and Extraversion

After gym I drank my 10-egg-white-Milo drink. People say it is disgusting, but I just want to know whether it works. Overall, it seems to be appearing slowly, so yay me.

I'm tired today, not just because of the gym, but mentally too. So, so, so tired.

I keep saying I'm truly an introvert, but I cannot be alone. I need someone at least. Maybe I'm actually an extravert. Hmmm.

Tomorrow Should Be The Same!

Today was quite a great first half of the weekend. Woke up with sleep a little lacking, but managed somehow throughout the day. Dim Sum breakfast, followed by haircut, followed by shopping fest and ended with coffee session, all accompanied by the Bestie. Now resting over self-quick-cooked meal and hanging out with high school friends later. Quite productive, but I'm feeling a little poorer now.

Flashy fluorescent shorts for the win. Oh, and there wasn't anything much at UNIQLO, but I grabbed basic tank tops. Meh.

To continuing greatness!

This is for Yesterday XXXVI - Lost For Words

I was confessed to by a friend.

Yeah, it was sudden, but I should have seen the obvious signs leading up to that moment. I was tired, unobservant, and simply clueless. The thing I regretted the most is that I didn't react properly enough.

I went like, "I don't know what to say..." followed by a long moment of silence. Stupid me. I guess we are still continuing as friends, and I don't feel awkward much about keeping it that way, but I should have been more mature in handling it.

"I don't know what to say?" That's so last century. Ugh.

Next time, kick me in the nuts.

Happy weekend peeps!

11.11.11 Eve

Just arrived home with minutes to spare to midnight. Ugh.

Woke early with less sleep, forced myself to get to the gym, went through the entire day not being sure what to start on first, ended late and tired with more work piling on for tomorrow. I am becoming more of a slave. Tis' sad.

I'm wishing on a good weekend.

Tomorrow is 11.11.11. What shall I do?

Weird Nightmares, Sayonara, and Respect

I have been having really strange nightmares for several days (albeit not consecutively), but today's happened to be the most vivid recollection. In my dream I was my current age with all other variables held check, but I have failed my Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia Bahasa Melayu paper and had to retake the exam again. I woke up late, an hour before the exam, andwas totally unprepared, having zero recollection of examination formats and Malay literature works. I was in total panic mode, almost to the point of going crazy, then I woke up. Upon breaching reality, I was still feeling that I had to take the exam, sweating profusely and totally buzzed out.

Weird. It's not like I had the biggest problem in my life trying to tackle BM in high school. It was the only subject of which I got an A2 grade though. Nightmares begone!

Today was a fellow colleague's last day at work. I have not worked much with her, but I will miss her dearly. We had her farewell at Edo Ichi in Solaris Dutamas. I forgot which set I ordered, but it was actually quite good and the place deserves another try.

Cawanmushi is missing.

Boss called me into another group discussion today despite the CD's intention of letting me settle my current load of work. I feel quite honoured for being recognised to an extent, but I don't know how are things going to be with the heavy workload from so many initiatives. Ugh. Kill me.

I need dinner/coffee with Bestie soon! Sorry!

Edit: Neck ache dissipated after lunch, phew.

Established in 1988

Was wearing my Cape Cod tee one day and a friend pointed out the copy on it, "Established on 1988" which happened to be my birth year. What a coincidence that one of my favourite brands happened to be as old as me. When are you established?

Ugh, which reminds me that I so need to do shopping. I shall go shop for ciplak stuff this time around, or perhaps go for that RM9.90 stuff that the UNIQLO in 1U is having.

Today, I also noted that next year is a leap year, which mathematically means that each of my zodiac year (every 12 years) is a leap year. Leaping dragons for the win. Next year marks 24, aging is so joyful!

A Little Love For Me

I think I haven't been loving myself enough recently. I made this special spaghetti as a gift of love:

A Little Love For Me.

It's a great work of irony serving a Western dish in a huge Chinese bowl. It's also fortunate that I finally found my phone-PC connector; music updates to the max.

Now, it's between cleaning my room and going out for coffee... I'll take the latter. Weee.

Edit: Ended up at SS2's UFO; not too shabby, but nothing original. Oh and my latissimus dorsi is still aching from gyming 2 days ago, each time I scurry down flights of stairs, they feel like big chunks of potatoes bobbing. Haha. I shall not regret what happened yesterday. Let's move on.

This is for Yesterday XXXV - New Dude

Meet new dude. Meh.

End story.

Prints, Primrose, and Plans

Today I had to go to the printers for print checks. I have no idea why I am doing production jobs. Meh. It was an interesting experience nevertheless, and a small bonding time with my senior designer.

When I went to the gym, I noticed that my petrol indicator was on, but I figured that I would get to the gym, then pump petrol on the way home. When I parked, I realised that I left my entire wallet at home, gym card included. I had to go home, get my wallet, pump petrol then go to the gym. Stupid memory and recklessness. I really need evening primrose oil or something along those lines.

No idea what is happening tonight. I'm just gonna go out at eat with a friend. Meh.

Yosh!

This is for Yesterday XXXIV - Almost Over

The end is near. I can do it!

A long weekend is here, but work has been cruel, and management has been more. I just a little bit of love from myself. A little.

Sorry that my blog has been degenerating into a rant of work with totally no insight. It's a shame, really, but I will still try my best to put something out worth a read.

Enjoy your (long) weekend!

This is for Yesterday XXXIII - Woke at 10.30am

The nightmare is almost over. Here's to a great long weekend!

And you know the moments where you wished you haven't thought of that idea? Yeah, that's what is happening right now.

Toodles.

This is for Yesterday XXXII - On 3 Hours

Of sleep. And attending a copywriter's workshop today. Kill me.

High Higher Screech Ouch

La la la la la. La la la la la. La la la la la, la la la la la. Doo bum doo bee doo. SCREECH. I bet you know what I mean.

Minnie Riperton, Loving You.

This has been playing in my head these days, so weird:

Diana Damrau, Der Hölle Rache, The Magic Flute.

I've always wanted to be able to sing like all the powerhouse vocalists, or be a sopranist in a choir. Oh well, I'll settle as a tenor/baritone.

Have you seen this? Just as good.

disneydiva7, Diva Dance.

Oh, it's November already. This month, Beethoven's 3rd Piano Concerto is playing at MPO! I'm going to go!

Oh, and hi Mr. D, we finally established connection.

我可以做你的男朋友吗？

Yeah, that's what I got! (Yay to my first thread title in Chinese despite being a banana! Sorry the message couldn't be more appropriate.)

Why do only the 'fun' people contact me. Grrr.

Of course I turned him down. Of course indeed.

Body, heal!

What Did I Drink Today?

10-egg-white-Milo drink.

It really doesn't taste that bad.

I want the annual report nightmare to end!

This is for Four Days Ago - Missed One

I just realised I have not posted for last Wednesday, and since I maintain that I post once everyday (except for the time I went to New Zealand), here is the replacement.

Hmmm. What should I write about?

I'm totally clueless.

Ahhh, what is your point of view with the old trollface craze?

This is one of my favourites:

http://9gag.com/gag/280229

Hormonal Buzz

Finally got 8 hours of sleep till the morning, waking up at 11.00 am. Then got an afternoon nap for about 3 hours. Still had that strange hormonal buzz the body goes through to fix the damage that has been done previously, that annoying feeling in your chest and upper back/neck akin to tinnitus in pain form. Ugh... Diet is also a little screwed. Skipped breakfast obviously, had papaya for lunch, home-cooked spaghetti for tea and coffee for supper. Also did cardio session at the gym to remove toxins. Feeling okay right now, but I hope by tomorrow I am feeling much, much, much better.

Everyone seems to be at the clubs/bars/friend's place for a Halloween party. I shall stay home and get my much required rest. Enjoy yourself people.

This is for Yesterday XXXI - 2.5 Hours and Twin

Survived for 2 days on 2.5 hours of sleep. I am not going to do anything like this anymore. Ugh.

Yesterday was my company's Halloween dinner. Finally met my 'twin' there. I wonder what will happen next. Hmmm.

Hibernated to 11.00 am today. Will continue soon. Sleep!

This is for Yesterday XXX - 5.20am? I'm a Zombie

Left work at aforementioned time. Woke up 2.5 hours later. I'm already dead.

This is for Yesterday XXIX - Scripted Settling

Script done for now. Left office at 12.15am. Happy Diwali my beloved art director. Sleep. What should I dress up as for the Halloween party?

This is for Yesterday XXVIII - Unbreakable

Video script of doom, kill me please.

Okay, rant over.

Tomorrow is going to be a freakin' long day.

I can do it.

Why Do You Keep In Contact?

Who are the friends you keep in contact the most? How about the ones you meet the most in real life? What are the factors that influences you to communicate more with some compared to others? Proximity? Interests? Looks? Income and status? Philosophy? Similar goals? Convenience?

Please be careful of how you define your friendships. If you have a reason for keeping a friend, the person is not your friend anymore.

I'll keep the ones who keep me close. Love you people!

Tomorrow, please be good!

This is for Yesterday XXVII - In The Company Of Normal

Reached back at midnight.

Today (or yesterday to be precise) started with dim sum with Bestie. It probably was the highlight of the day.

In the afternoon, the sun was surprisingly good to me, clearing right at 2 pm. I finally got the swim (and sun) I so wanted. My body was still a little sore so I couldn't push myself too much, but I think that in my current form at its best, I am already better than I was last time. Unfortunately, groupies of young boys took the atmosphere a way much.

Night time was attending to several friends of which I haven't seen in quite some time. Got the whole ching chong ting tong treatment (not to any of their faults), plus I finally understood (or perhaps reminded myself again) about how walking the road less traveled, in terms of interest, has brought me the loneliness I often question. It has become harder and harder to blend in as I age, and that is a scary thought since my current group of friends seem to be growing a little distant.

I am tired today: physically, mentally and emotionally. May I find the slumber I desire.

This is for Yesterday XXVI - Scripted Nightmare

Writing scripts are ungodly. And yes, I forgot to update yesterday, pfft.

Siren Called, But The Dark Mistress Beckoned

I slept quite nicely yesterday despite having to wake up early today morning. Went to the gym and tortured myself as much as I could. I wanted to end it at the free weight section, but there were too many huge-sized people there so I avoided the space. I don't have the balls to just go there confidently and mind my own business. Tsk, tsk.

Since, like, forever, I have never been a fan of protein supplements, being a relative naturalist myself. I've seen a fair share of dudes mixing protein shakes in the changing room every now and then, but I want to be able to build up slowly using fresh meats and other sources of healthy protein. I don't know how much I am losing out on, but I don't want to take a risk. Eating healthy in Kuala Lumpur is indeed a difficult task (or a more expensive one at best). I need a gym buddy, someone who is more experienced.

Edit: Oh, and the black herbal medicine liquid I've been taking is making me fart so much. It's loud and smelly and discomforting. Ugh.

Talking Long and Serious With My ArtDir

I love my Art Director to death, really. We talked long during today's dinner and we exchanged reality checks, and I'm glad that she decided to take this daring leap of faith. I thought I was the only one, but looks like the signs are right. Thank you friends for being with me throughout this part of my journey. I learned much, love doing what I do, and I'm not even jaded yet, but time calls for something bigger and better.

Here's to the brave.

First Times With Clients

Yesterday and today was another round a firsts for me, the first time I was a a presentation at the client and my first time going out for dinner with another.

I was relatively nervous at the presentation, and I am not exactly the best presenter in front of a crowd. Of the the client's reps that arrived early was quite cute, and of all the people he gave his name card to (other than the Accounts Director) he approached me. My Gaydar tinkle sounded a little and after much stalking done online, I've come to the conclusion that he probably is (but you never know till you actually ask). Man, I can be such a perv, haha (but I'll never have the balls to actually ask directly). As usual, clients are not brave enough to take that step, sigh.

Dinner with the client tonight was for the client's birthday. Drank wine and ate bangsawan-ish food. So many were smokers and that actually pisses me off. I wished I had a stronger impulse to extinguish their cigarettes in whatever means. The birthday cake was a Tiramisu cake from Gourmet, which although is quite nice, isn't an authentic Tiramisu. Arrived back at the office appearing drunk (I get red easily) and helped others to brainstorm for ideas in what they call my 'drunken state'.

Two firsts. I wonder what will be the next first I have tomorrow?

The History of Words

This is another scheduled post of which I should elaborate more, but you should do fine if you are even interested to start with. And since I missed Big Bad Wolf, this is a small piece of what I belief about books in my time of not being able to read much.

First, you'll have to watch this, really: What We Learned From 5 Million Books.

Next, visit this custom Ngram Viewer.

Have fun!

Edit: I'm so in love with this now:

Stacy Francis - Purple Rain, Prince - Judge's House, X-Factor 2011 USA.

Homosexual Relationships, Marriage and Childbearing

I think the two key factors that can affect a homosexual relationship differently in comparison with the contemporary heteronormative relationships are marriage and childbearing. Marriage is, in most countries/states, still illegal. As for childbearing, it is impossible for both homosexual partners to be the actual father/mother of the child at the same time. This limitation and unique dynamic puts us at an interesting stand-off; we don't have the same emotional and moral concept of togetherness that society normalises. We don't get married, have children (of which most heteronormative men will get a wake up call of 'it's serious now' or 'I guess this is it') of which they must support together. Of course this doesn't apply to all relationships in general, even for homosexual ones, but this impossibility has put us into a different realm of which we must approach with much forethought.

Let's say, for example, that homosexual marriage is legal all over the world. Would we still have the same divorce issue that heterosexual couples face? I actually think so. The fact that it is already so hard to get through this phase makes it more valuable and more put-offish for the less serious. Not to mention that a majority of the gay world (that I know off) seem to have no problem having No Strings Attached (NSA) and/or One Night Stand (ONS) encounters for a large portion of their youth. We, as a community have not become cohesively wise yet in terms of how we handle our relationships. In fact, we might be as bad as the heteronormative community.

David Horsey, Defending the Sanctity of Marriage.

Again, this is just a thought to ponder. To those who are the committed monogamous type, I salute you much.

Here's to a great week ahead, no matter how bad you already know it will be.

Unproductive Lethargic Rest

Today feels tiring without anything happening. I need a social life. Thank god my bestie is back tomorrow.

I had something good to write about today, but I'm not in the mood. Damn the emotional swings of the writer.

This is for Yesterday XXV - Your Man Reminder

Left work at 12.45am...

I saved this for today, and yes, men get breast cancer too.

Rethink Breast Cancer: Your Man Reminder.

Touch. Look. Check. Haha. Remember to watch till the credits...

I prefer Asians in general, but Doctor Rothaford is hot. Have a great weekend!

This is for Yesterday XXIV - Didn't Want To Wake Up

I definitely had a dream last night, but I forgot exactly what happened in it. All I know is that I didn't want to wake up at all. I left work at 11.45pm yesterday.

Today is going to be a hardcore day. Please let me survive...

Concept Bloc

I am a writer, but sometimes I have to conceptualise, and I am still young at doing so with sufficient flair and agility. These days I have spent so much time on it and still not crack the brief appropriately, and this is in the long run very demoralising and exhausting. Conditions have not improved, both within the company and my health, and I am distancing further away with such non-productivity.

I am creative.

I am a possibility thinker.

I am the biggest surprise to myself.

Okay, let's hope that worked.

Unvirginising Blogging From Work

My first post from work. Yes, I'm still at work playing the waiting game and not going to be released anytime soon. I don't like blogging from work. It feels a little estranged, and I don't want to get comfortable with doing this, as my goal is to try to get home as early as possible anyway. My company has no Internet usage policy of course; you'd probably be able to watch porn and still get away without harm.

Today is Headgear Day at my agency (theme chosen by yours truly), and I went with the old fashion apek-ish straw hat used by farmers. With a shirt and shorts, I truly look like a farmer, haha. Well, at least I was different. Too bad there wasn't anyone wearing Doreamon's bamboo-copter. Next time, I'll use a headgear of a carrot dangling right in front of me...

I so need my sleep, as I need to get to work earlier tomorrow to go for a client brief in Bukit Jalil. Meh. Work is really the root of my current evil. Change is still not happening fast enough per se, and my team is still hanging precariously on the edge of health. I pray hard for us all.

Loving out.

Lui Cha

A scheduled post after so long. Wow.

Alternatively Lei Cha, Rui Cha.

Lui Cha is a tradtiional Chinese Hakka dish unique to the tribe of the Hopo (Alternatively Ho Boh, Hopoh.). It is served with rice and vegetables chopped into tiny bits and stir fried to simple perfection. Vegetables include long beans, four angled beans, spring onion, spinach, leek, dried tofu, salted radish, sweet leaf, and pretty much any vegetable you want. This dish is primarily vegetarian, but there is allowance to cheat using dried shrimp and anchovies for that savouriness. 

The main body, however, comes from the peanut and tea soup, which plenty of people loath. To make this in its simplest form, ground peanuts using a large traditional mortar and pestle and use the paste to boil the soup for long hours. Near the end of the process, add tea leaf paste and you are done. The soup can also include other lentils, nuts and seeds according to recipe and taste.

My family used to make this whenever the whole extended family is gathered because there is no point in making small amounts as there are many ingredients involved and a long preparation process. They also use the soup to test if you are a true blood Hopo. The  entire dish is great for detoxification and overall health. Yum yum.

For your information, the Hopo is not the Hakka tribe connected to the Abacus, another Hakka delicacy.

Sin Sei Says

Today my parents took me to see a sinseh, a traditional Chinese medical practitioner and it is my first time doing so. My throat wasn't as bad as I thought it would be this morning, but better to be cautious and get a second opinion before the going gets worse. The waiting list is super long, and although we went early to get a number, we were only let in after about 2.5 hours. The outlets reeks strongly of herbal elements, and although this would sound racist, everyone there is predominantly Chinese (I mean, you would think that in this age and time you'll see a mixed crowd). I even saw a cute boy there but of course I was not brazen to do anything (other than to sneakily take a photograph, guilty as charge).

When we were finally let in, we were met with a lady in her late 40s who looks like a guy, however she looks indiscriminate and relaxed. As expected, she checked my pulse with touch alone, looked at my tongue and applied pressure to my joints. The verdict is as follows.

I am like a volcano, boiling with internal energy and heat. I am the Yang without enough Yin. I need to:
1. Avoid all forms of meat but fish. (Sigh, the Pascatarian.)
2. Avoid eggs.
3. Avoid spicy food. (Nuuuuu...)
4. Avoid air-conditioning and direct fanning. (Stupid office.)
5. Sleep at 10.00pm optimally, or 11.30pm if I cheat. (Stupid working hours.)
5. Avoid dry and absorbent food. (Biscuits and stuff.)
6. Drink more water. (This is defaulted.)

Optimally, I should just be a vegetarian. Not that I have an issue with this; I can relish in the simple hakka/hopoh lui cha which many fear. I do wonder how it will affect my gym routine...

In reference to the blood type diet and not knowing my blood type, I have a strong feeling that I took after my mum - A.

The new week is coming, here's to a speedy recovery with bitter black liquid and stuff. Oh, and more drama as the management starts unfolding.

Not Close To Being Over

Go gym.
Make tiramisu.
Sore throat getting worse.
Pray. Hard. Repeat.

Please have fun this weekend on my behalf. Thanks.

I Have No Time To Be Lonely

Not that I'm busy, but dealing with recovering to full health takes away most of my loneliness. No it isn't work, thankfully. It does not mean I don't need companionship anyway.

Beethoven series starting this weekend. Should I go?

Off Off-Limits

I've always contemplated how much of my working life should be exposed in this blog, for the reason of privacy, integrity, politics, and other various factors of which will just make things even more complicated. I have posted many posts that talked about my own issues within my work place, but never went to the point of being revealing. However, I think this is an important thing to chronicle for my own self.

What was just a creative review ended up as a semi-HR mediation. Emotions were high, but everyone still tried their best to keep their cool, including the bosses. Tears, anger, bitterness. Pent up emotions which was swept under the rug for the sake of our own professionalism and mere respect now overflows and boils to the point of decimation. The issue was handled very diplomatically, but was the questions answered? There are just too many people who love the company to death, love the bosses more, and love to produce great work no matter what it takes, but limits can be crossed and we might be stepping too far from our comfort zones. There's much to do and go from here, and changes might not be so fast as most would hope for, or they might never happen at all. But the tipping point has past, and if something does change for the better, the multiplier effect would be great. 3 resignations are on their way, this is no laughing matter anymore.

I feel a little more productive today compared to yesterday, but it doesn't seem to be at my optimal yet. Maybe I have grown to rely a lot on my AD, who is in Singapore for a shoot. Maybe, this is just a phase. Break through to the breakthrough.

My ulcers are still pandemic, but is slowly going down. Yay me. I'm not all that well yet though. We'll see.

Steve Jobs has not been the biggest inspiration in my life, but rest in peace knowing that your speech has made me a little more braver in my life, a little closer to living my life like it was my last everyday.

Love you all.

Spending Time Seeming Unproductive

Time passed to fast today, and although there was much effort put into work, I feel like I haven't achieved much. Also did a boo-boo today and was told of by the CD. AD gone to Singapore for the rest of the week. Throat seems to be doing fine so far, and ulcers seem to be toning down slowly but surely. It still hurts much. My blog posts have become random shorts. Haih. What is happening to me. I am not jaded yet, but it feels so heavy, burdened. I'm still enjoying my effort in work though. Tomorrow is the creative review. Hmmm. What will happen.

Mouthful of Sores

My whole mouth is ulcer infested. It hurts, and I can't tell if it is spreading to my tonsil.

Argh.

This is for Yesterday XXIII - Slipped My Mind

I forgot to update in time although I had time. Funny.

My whole mouth is full of ulcers now. Sucks be me.

Once Bitten Twice Shy

I'm coming to the end of my 4th antibiotic run so I'm praying and hoping that the issue remains at large, instead of rushing back at me like a raging bull of which I currently don't have the physical strength and mental finesse to go through. I'm tired, for more than just being ill, but gym sessions are draining me each time I push myself. I know I have to push myself to grow stronger, but sometimes limits are a personal thing to face. Let's see how long this lasts. This is indeed a lonely path for me.

I accidentally bit on my ulcer today, so tomorrow I shall be expecting a large irritating gash on the inside of my lip. Ugh. It beats the types near the gums or in an estranged area on the tongue. People say I'm heaty, and I probably am one of those who are a little more predisposed to getting these issues. Sigh. Deal with it!

I went to church again today. The simplistic proximal cause would be to see someone, but my heart yearned for something more anyway. I'm starting to get jaded in some sense, and this is not to my faith per se, but it is happening to the front I put up when I know that my worlds are colliding with each other.

Tomorrow I have a training session at the gym, so I shall sleep early. I don't think I'll be fully recovered physically, but there's no more time for rescheduling. I'll just have to suffer during work tomorrow. Slow recuperation sucks.

Am I really the cute type like everyone is saying? Hmmm.

Little Bit Of Here And Whatsoever

The sun did not rise today, and my spa massage and dinner plans were postponed. On the bright side, I got my hair cut and I'm happy with it.

Feeling much better today, I even did a 10-minute rush intensity cardio workout just before the gym closed. Yay me. I ate a lot during dinner though, but I will probably get a swim tomorrow if the sun is right.

Overall, it wasn't such a bad Saturday. Yay me.

Recapping at 173

Today has been slow other than the last dramatic meeting at the end. No casualties though. My Art Director is still a little sick. Get better soon!

I have also recovered more now, but I don't know whether I have fully healed. I have been having more fruits and vegetables, and avoiding oily and spicy food. I am such a good boy. I'm praying hard for a totally refreshed me soon. That and me being able to continue my exercise regime properly.

Gonna cut my hair tomorrow, feel like going a little hardcore. After that, will go for a casual swim plus tanning session, so sun please don't fail me! Then a wonderful massage spa session in the evening followed by a comfortable dinner, both with a friend. After that, I have no clue what will I do. Hmmm.

Have I been completely honest in my writings in this blog? Yes. However, I have not told the total truth, and it will probably stay that way to preserve my sanity and your curiosity. You can always ask anyway.

173 is not a special number. Random.

Nocturnal Heat

Why is it freaking hot now at night?

And I forgot my phone charger in the office, grrr.

I shall treat myself to sleep tonight. Toodles.

This is for Yesterday XXII - Low Sleep Mode

Left work at 12.15am yesterday. Woke up at 7.00am for gym training session at 8.00am. Worked on borrowed time. At least I got off early.

Meh.

Gays Subscribe To The Obsolescent Culture

Or do you beg to differ?

The Story of Stuff, Part 5 (Consumption).

Those Two Things Flying Around Your Head

You know the Angel self and Devil self flying around your head trying to influence you to make a moral decision? I think I got a lot of that today. I got discharged in the morning, came back and decided to get into office for a half day. I did this for several reasons. First, if I didn't, I would suffer more tomorrow, and many others in the office will suffer along with me due to backlog. Secondly, I needed to feel productive after being tired of resting for 2 days. Thirdly, I can't say it to everyone, but hmmm... Everyone I knew went bonkers when I told them I went in for half day. I don't know whether this whole bout is a reflection of my stress level due to work and my body's natural response to that. For now, I can't make such deep analysis, so I'll just wait till the infection dies off first.

Hospitals are damn expensive; another reason why I want to keep fit. The superficial and deep parts are being compressed into one, so that's one less gray area to worry about.

Managed to meet Bestie and uni mate for din din. It was short but sweet. As she puts it, sick people can afford the calories.

Get better soon, or you'll have to change your blog to sickinaseaofmen. Not that kind of sick, but yeah.

Happy Monday blues!

This is for Yesterday XXI - More Visitors

The second day was not any more eventful, except for a few more visits. Thanks to A and J for coming to see me; the hugs are worth wonders. I thought it would be a little weird, but company of this sort is somehow transcendent, almost comforting. Thanks for coming, it is much, much appreciated.

As to the rest of my close friends, thanks so much! I feel so loved.

The antibiotics injected today hurt more than yesterday, probably because there are less bacteria in my body (I'm wishing).

Food is... hospital grade. You get the picture.

At least I get the entire room to myself.

Oh, and surprisingly, many people on Grindr were more than happy to wish me well. Maybe there's hope after all. Why was I using it? I was bored much. Resting can be tiring.

To be continued...

This Is For Two Days Ago I - Admission Into Hospital

I woke up to the worst feeling in the world: my throat swelling up again and hurting like balls. Or whatever. I knew I had to do something more serious this time, so I went to see an ENT specialist at a hospital.

There were not many choices to make, and after a long deliberation, I was admitted into the hospital for a 2 day IV drip plus antibiotics regime. So sudden, but probably mega necessary. This would also be the first time I will be admitted to a hospital, well, ever since I was born.

The IV drip is really irritating on my left hand, and despite feeling relatively lonely, I prefer that to companionship (or maybe I'm just being picky about who I want to be around at that moment). Being sick is personal.

To be continued...

This is for Yesterday XX - Power Cut

Yesterday I came back to a house without power. Life is so much harder without electricity, and I'm not just talking about the Internet.

Have I mentioned that I am afraid of the dark? It's not my biggest fear, but even at home I can imagine someone coming to kill me/ghosts/demons. My wild imagination indeed.

Trash TV

I learnt from my art director that trash TV is good for destressing because you don't need to think to watch it. Shows like The Fashion Police play during our office lunch periods, so you can listen to Joan Rivers biatch about the nastiest things in the world.

Trash is so not for me; my intelligence can just keep dropping levels.

BTW, the primary icon of philosophy for my company's rebranding is Lady Gaga. Boss said so himself.

Feeling generously positive today, although it wasn't mega-awesome. Tomorrow, will attend a press-conference and a recce before going into the office. Hopefully I do not stay too late in tomorrow. Peace out!

The Boss The Client

We are in the midst of rebranding our agency, and so there is an interesting agency-client relationship with the entire company and the boss himself. I am interested in seeing how the entire thing plays out, and what kind of a change we will be seeing in the long term. I am trying to be hopeful, but the realist in me is kicking in a lot.

The pitch has ended and things have slowed down a little, 2 ADs and a C vanishing for a while, whereas an AE's last day is today. Change is still a devilish constant.

I never got into the Crocs craze, and I saw this other shoe/slipper thingy that looks completely weird, but is starting to grow on me. Should I get one?

Vibram FiveFingers.

BTW, hating the new FaceBook, another bad change since the chat system.

Impact Marketing

Where do you stand between Philanthropy and The Market?

http://www.ted.com/talks/sasha_dichter.html

I shall sleep early to recuperate from yesterday! Sleep is luxury!

This is for Yesterday XIX - Dead

Ugh. Arrived home at 3.20am yesterday. Please kill me now.

Have You Spent Enough Time With Yourself?

Do note, spending time with yourself IS NOT spending time for yourself. The former takes on a strange and almost dissociative level, where you treat yourself as a companion instead of a first person persona. The latter is just putting yourself first. There's this strange sort of whimsy but you have no sense of loneliness.

Yesterday was so-so. Okay crowd, great conversation, horrid music.

Sleep was horrid as usual. But I made myself rest the entire afternoon, then took it up a notch at the gym (whilst still not pushing myself too hard since I'm not fully recovered). Met Bestie at night for some pre-work-week counseling session.

If there's one thing I wanna wish for for the coming week, it would be a completely restored body. The mind can come later, and the emotional side will have to wait an indefinite amount of time.

What Is The Gay Lifestyle?

I always find this term to be a little difficult to understand, a little derogatory because it makes us sound like we have some sort of an abnormal habit of some sort.

Yes there is the massively understood culture of clubbing of sorts, hanging out with gay people and other stereotypes which we are somehow strengthening, not for the lack of trying otherwise. What kind of a road are we paving.

And yes, I shall be putting myself up for display tonight despite being drugged and all. I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the experience although it cramps on my sleep time. We'll see how things goes.

Happy weekend!

This is for Yesterday XVIII - Team Time

Time passed so fast yesterday and our team was the only one in the office. Hopefully today will be shorter. Enjoy the weekend!

This is for Yesterday XVII - What A Pitch

Meds are working miraculously, and so I dedicate myself to the company this Malaysia Day.

Have a great holiday, and if you're working, you aren't alone.

Sometimes It's A Matter Of Perspective

I am not a workaholic. I'm just complicated.

This is for Yesterday XVI - Strep Throat

It used to be the case that I couldn't blog in time because I was out late with friends or something similar. I hate it that my "This is for Yesterday" moments are starting to be illness related. On 4 drugs now, I hope I can get into work tomorrow, I feel a little guilt ridden for leaving my team with the pitch.

Half A Throat Down

Half a throat still infected. Sucks.

Just got back from work.

Better get some sleep, got personal training tomorrow morning. Not sure how will that go down with my throat.

Then going to visit a tertiary education institute tomorrow for research. I shall be a teen again!

Monday morning madness, more like.

Serendipitous

Today, found out a lot of strange things connected to each other. Okay, they are not strange per se, but it's just interesting how things are all connected to one another. Serendipity did a turn today.

I went to my old church for the first time in a very long time. It was a trying experience, and it's strange how the company of a mere stranger (now less a stranger) can make it a little more comforting. The past and the future collided, and I wasn't even sure what to make out of the crash or whatever happened. I'm still a faithful believer, so I have no qualms.

Did dinner with P friends and then coffee with Bestie to tie up the night before suiting up for the week ahead. Next week we are probably going to MP bersama-sama in as big a group as we can bring. It doesn't matter if nothing happens; we have each other. I'll probably feel festive enough to make Tiramisu then.

I need to start my piano classes again. The search for the optimal teacher begins!

Writing Your Epitaph And/Or Eulogy

Back in University, one of the practical exercises we had to go through was to write our own epitaph (words written on our own gravestone) and eulogy (speech given during funeral as a sign of remembrance). It was not meant to prepare us for death (although to some it is a wake-up call), but it was meant to let us reevaluate our goals and our position in the world we are living in. How would you be remembered? What would you leave behind?

Will you be leaving behind family members? Children? Your partner? No one?

Will you be remembered for your deeds? Your successes? Your achievements? What would those be? Money? Relationships? Knowledge?

Who would attend? Who would cry bitterly at the feet of your coffin? Who would mourn and grief? Who would continue on with their lives seeing you as just another checkpoint in their journey? Who would not even care?

How would your funeral be? Festive? Monotonous? Melancholic?

Who would speak your Eulogy? Would he/she be proud of you?

Is it a celebration? Is it otherwise?

Hmmm.

Am I scared of death? Not really. Am I scared of the pain of dying? Obviously.

Will I be satisfied if I die now? Nope!

How am I going to live this life of mine?

This Saturday is a rest day. Not my choice per se, but I better be fully well tomorrow then.

Here Again Or Another Deja Vu

Thank god I didn't get more sick. If there is one thing I can be constantly thankful for, it would be my health (or lack of lack thereof) (double negatives, haha).

Weekend is finally here, and it has to be savoured to its last morsel, because the next week is going to be a killer with a pitch + yang lain-lain. How shall I make it different from any other? I have no idea.

Rest is paramount, but experiencing is equally important.'

I need to write something nice soon. I feel a little uninspired.

This is for Yesterday XV - Sudden Sicko Again

Argh, super sien.

Salt water and fever control in check. Still have to go to work!

Aching Archer

I am aching all over and it is so uncomfortable to even play the piano. Sigh.

Started watching a animation series called Archer. It's about a dysfunctional spy in a dysfunctional agency: totally hilarious.

Archer.

Sometimes I feel used. Hmmm.

Morality compass still twirling like a hurricane.

Love you all.

Long, Long Day

Today was draggy.

Day started at 5.38am despite setting the alarm for 6.30am. What the hell do you want biological clock?

I went to the gym in the morning as promised despite sucky sleep and pushed myself moderately. Still felt achy afterwards anyway. I brought post-workout breakfast and ate it in the office, but I was hungry the entire day. I wasn't sure how much to allow myself to eat. Haih. Tomorrow will be my rest day.

And as I was eating my breakfast, I found this awesome recording of this pianist with synesthesia:

Ravel Piano concerto (2/3) Hélène Grimaud V.Jurowski Chamber Orchestra of Europe 

I teared for the first time in a long time. Finally, a musician with the gift to see colours from the music she plays (or any other music in this sense) shattered a small part of me and took me back to that moment where I could get lost in the music I listen to. Ahhh, what a great moment that was.

Met Bestie again after a long break and glad we did some catch up. Really glad.

Day will hopefully end slightly pass midnight. I really need sleep.

Freedom Force

Have you heard of the game? It's an old PC title that stayed true to its promise to make comic books come alive. A classic indeed.

Freedom Force.

Now that the distraction is over, the real reason I brought this up is because I just committed to a gym. Yeap. I'm going to be a fitness freak to an extent. Now I have to sleep well, eat well, and work well too. What did I get myself into?

Today's WIP didn't give me news I was expecting. Sigh. Keep believing!

What Have I Learnt From First Long Holiday Since Working

1. Plan it. Things don't just happen, or at least it usually won't be to your expectations.

2. Involve people who involve you. And if you don't have people who involve you naturally... well that kind of suck, but I know exactly how you are feeling. Please drop a message and the president of the Uninvolvables will be there to greet you. It's important to note that your experiences will be magnified instead of diminished greatly by people who you want to involve. If the Venn diagram intersect, yay you.

3. Make sure you have some part of your usual work day routine with you, because the change may be too drastic. I'm not saying do your work, I'm saying include possible productivity activities such as exercise, chores, blogging, and pretty much anything else that tickles your fancy.

4. Insert rest slots, because you'll need them.

5. Document it. You can take pictures, write a journal/diary/blog, or sculpt a clay model based on your week-long experience in an abstract manner. Hey, I don't discriminate against tortured artists' souls.

6. Remember to breath, remember to eat (appopriately), remember to drink water, remember your normal bodily functions. Daddy's an old man now, and he hates it when he is sick. Hate.

List ends. I can go on, but I'll spare you the pain.

My sister sent me an e-mail to a link of fashionable items including this I totally oooh-oooh-aaah-aaah over:

Gucci Cotton Rucksack Backpack, Navy

Priced at USD1290, it will continue to be in my dreams. I'll just settle for something hardier anyway.

I wonder if my sister is on to me...

Can't wait for work tomorrow! Yes, I still love my job. Not the hours, just the job.

Mixed Responses Of Sorts

Still sick, but recovering steadily. I hate being sick so much.

I got my set pair of spectacles today, thick wooden-plastic frames for an almost stereotypical gay or advertising man look, but the soft touches of colour and textural components gives it an edge. Yay me. Still not happy that my power went up 75 per eye.

The past week should be a holiday of sorts, but I'm not sure what I took back from the entire experience.

I need coffee now with a chat partner.

Hopefully tomorrow will be the miraculous finale to remember. Happy Saturday readers!

This is for Yesterday XIV - Sudden Sicko

I hate being sick. I'm better now, but still not totally recovered.

Thanks to those who 'accompanied' me during this period. It means so much to me.

Of Blogger's New Layout, More Retail Therapy, And Even More Old Men

The title makes it sound like I have much to say, but I think this will be short (although I don't know how sweet it will get).

Blogger just launch its new layout today and as a Google fan-boy I instantly clicked switch, regardless of its beta status. It is... a whole lot of white, somewhere to the level of most stereotypical mental wards. Will work that out later. I'll get used to it, change is something I should learn to live with.

Also did retail therapy with J today. Too bad I couldn't stay longer because of dinner plans, if not I'd probably be buying a little more. Somehow, with all the shopping I've done so far, I still think I have a horrid wardrobe. Next time will go shopping with my new shopping consultant, my 弟弟, and maybe drag my Bestie along. Hmmm.

Yes, I have a thing with old men, but somehow it just happens. My moral compass is screwing me up by spinning uncontrollable due to magnetic interference. I hate the position I'm in, in the grey with the extremes of both ends beyond reach. Yes? No? Maybe? I'm really hating it. My friends aren't helping me much, and it isn't their fault, for I have to decide in the end.

Why is exercise so painful? Why am I doing this?

A wise and horny old man gave me this advice: He will come. My patience is running dry, but I fear persecution less than the eternal transfiguration of my soul. God help me.

God help us.

Aku Merdeka

Warning: This post will be, for the first time, in Malay as a tribute for my beloved country's Independence Day. If you do not understand Malay, please use Google Translate.

Merdeka. Apakah sebenarnya makna kebebasan yang kita selalu impikan?

Tahun ini merupakan tahun yang penuh bermakna bagiku, dengan pengakuan diriku sebagai lelaki yang menyukai lelaki lain sebagai puncak segala perubahan. Ya, negara ini masih melihat isu homoseksual sebagai satu jenayah, dan kita belum merdeka dari pelabelan isu ini sebagai satu kes klinikal walaupun negara Barat yang penuh dengan pakar psikologi sudah memadamkan perkaitan ini dari manual perubatan dan psikologi. Aduhai.

Saya percaya bahawa negara ini penuh dengan seribu kemungkinan, dan kepercayaan ini senantiasa disakiti oleh propaganda dan pemimpin negara yang seoleh-oleh belum mencapai kematangan fikiran. Saya sayang Malaysia, mungkin lebih banyak dari banyak rakyat yang sudah berputus asa dan berpusu-pusu ke negara lain yang difikirkan menawarkan lebih peluang.

Saya tidak akan hilangkan harapan yang semacam bayi dan saya harap anda juga akan menggunakan kebolehan anda dalam apa-apa bidang untuk mengembangkanharapan ini menjadi realiti.

Selamat Hari Jadi Malaya. Selamat meraikan kebebasan anda, pembaca semua.

Hijau, Zainal Abidin.

Age Is Just a Number

Many people care about how big an age gap should be when looking for a partner, of whether he is older or younger. However, they probably do not understand the real meaning of the age that they so preoccupied with.

Age can take many forms: physical lifeline, mental state, emotional maturity, experience, skill or even stature. To me, a person's real age is not the best variable to look at, what with the advent of excessively good healthcare, the rise of liberal education and emotional exposure in schools. Even the most mature looking 40-year old can have the mindset of a 8-year old and it shouldn't be surprising anymore that guys want to settle down at a young age.

What age would you be if you didn't know what age you were?

First Day of Raya Holiday

Not Raya itself, mind you.

Today I visited the KLCC Bookfest. It was crowded like crazy, but my mum and I stomped our way through to hunt for goodies. Books are CHEAP. There's completely no better word to use to express the fest. However, I practiced strange frugality at the wrong time and only got 2 Dilberts and Blunders. My eyes were beaming when I saw the Roald Dahl Book Set going for RM199.00 but I decided to forgo it. Sigh. The lifestyle section was horrid though, what a letdown.

Oh, in hindsight, went to Ben's for lunch. Food is actually pretty decent relative to the price, location and atmosphere. Really great hangout spot anytime of the day.

Tonight, I roll a dice. I played this game before, but the rules are not always the same. There is no specific winning or losing roll, and somehow, your own perception defined how the game even exists  in your mind. Crossing fingers though, as I see the metaphysical dice spinning and rolling through my plane of existence. Ooosh!

Oh, and thanks to BB for being my Shah Alam tour guide and J for the cap and great dim sum find. Kudos!

Bestie, cepat baik. Mesti menang perlumbaan. Maaf karana malam ni tak free.

Oh, Selamat Hari Raya people. Maaf zahir dan batin.

Reason/Excuse For Sluttiness

Recently, had some requests to be people's sex buddy/ONS/NSA kind of a thing. I have been questioning my morality compass too, and I guess that despite several exemptions and situational circumstances (of which are very rare and probably impossible), I want to make this clear:

I did not decide to be gay to become a slut.

Simple. You can play in your area of grey, but I'm fine where I am.

Sigh, life is hard.

Haih

Sometimes I feel sorry for some people, or some situations. Haih.

On another note, I'm getting inspired by the weirdest of things these days. Presenting to you, coffee bubbles in a straw:

Coffee Bubbles in a Straw.

You may now applaud. Ha ha.

Sorry for the quirkiness. Have a nice holiday!

Love Triangle

Today, let's learn about Sternberg.

Sternberg's Love Triangle.

It's pretty self explanatory if you understand a slightly higher than average level of English, but I want to elaborate a little on what's going through my head right now.

Passion has many sources. Chemistry. Sexual attraction. Novelty.

Same goes for intimacy. Personality. Interests. Lifestyles.

However, commitment is as raw as is can get. It is the ability to stay loyal regardless of what happens. Most people don't have this.

Intermission.

Met several few new gay friends this week, and the circle widens indeed. How it goes from there is beyond my imagination. Hmmm.

I need to spring clean my room soon, it is apparently harbouring an insect den. Eeek!

What Should I Do During Holidays?

Healing rate becoming better. It's working, thank God.

Today, office had a let's-buy-back-food-from-the-Ramadan-bazaar-and-have-a-sumptuous-feast-at-the-office-thingy. Not excellent, buy yay to food. Must not gain weight...

Everyone at work seems to be twitchy. Must be the long holiday coming up soon. I'm still clueless about my plans. Hmmm.

Closure is a strange thing, we want it from people but the only way to get it is from ourselves. Sigh.

What is love? Chemistry? Content? Choice? Hmmm. What I really want is consummate love.

Do I care who read my blog? Not exactly. This blog is a space I can feel free and not be afraid of being judged (to an extent). This is also where I rant and speak my mind and my heart.

What to do, what to do?

Rush Tired Rush

Late night.

Force myself to exercise.

Pergi berdating sikit.

No wonder my biological clock screws up.

Se ya!

This is for Yesterday XIII - Cartoon

Came back late after a night of a wacky, twisted play/musical at KLPAC - Cartoon by Steve Yockey.

Really my type of entertainment.

It's gonna run every night till Saturday, so go see it if you haven't. Highly recommended.

Cartoon - Steve Yockey.

Mr. Simple

It's playing on replay lately. Doesn't it remind you of SHINee's Lucifer?

Mr. Simple, Super Junior.

What You Might Find At The Next Turn

Don't give up. Never lose hope. Keep believing. Because one day, you'll find your very own rainbow tucked away in the most unexpected places.

Somewhere out there. Yes, I captured this.

Went for retail therapy with Bestie today, and made some nice purchases. We should do this more often.

Also had dinner with some gay friends. Mixed emotions.

The coming week will be a killer, trying to hurry everything up before Raya/Merdeka. Hope I survived.

Workout plan seems to be working. But my whole body feels like lead. And I don't heal fast enough for now. And it's not even a gym routine.

Diet plan? Hmmm.

I'm going to try a whole new Zen approach to life. I need to calm the raging beast within.

I still haven't cried in a long time. I still want to for the right reasons. Yeah, I'm weird.

I'm not giving up. I'll show the world, I'll show me.