The Seven Deadly Sins Questions That Tell You Who You Are

Woot, managed to strikethrough in a thread title!

Okay, in the midst of the upcoming election, I too am facing my own version of a mid-early life crisis (which is earlier than late-early, but later than early-early), where I have to question myself about how I'm going to live the rest of my life.

My current job, as I continue to tell others, is just a job. It is far from being a career, but I would be lying if I said I never learnt anything from this experience. But as Oprah puts it, "I feel it in my bones" that it is time for a change. So, I'm planning to quit my job at the end of May, take a month off in June where my sisters will be back plus the family trip to Turkey, then I'll resume productivity and of use to the community in July. I am not entirely sure what to venture towards yet though, but time is running out and I have to think wisely.

So time to do some reflection, with a little help from an article I found at thoughtcatalog.com.

The Seven Questions That Tell You Who You Are

1. What would you do in life if you didn't have to pay the bills?
If you didn't know it yet, I'm not monetarily motivated. Somehow, I find this question as difficult to answer in my current state versus in a (what I perceived to be) financially motivated state. Many other people (of this I'm sure) will just plainly say to travel the entire world, but I want to do so much more than that. But after thinking long and hard (pun not intended), I decided that I am actually fitted to be a creator. I like making things, from artwork, to food, to self DIY stuff, to computer stuff, to complete worlds. Maybe I should be an author.

Argh. This is actually making things harder (again pun not intended). Let's just move on.

2. What cuts you the deepest?
This is easy: when people do not care. I am one of those individuals who experience a lot of loneliness, sometimes even when with groups of people (if you are still completely clueless, please check the blog title). I admit that sometimes it is my fault for not doing my part, but I also believe that (somehow) people have been avoiding me during the weirdest times (not to their fault for being legibly busy) and wanting me when I actually need solitude.

3. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
I would first donate all my belongings to the needy, then I will go to the busiest part of the city and actually observe people. I think I want to do that because I feel like I can be a part of each of their lives by just seeing their stories unfold.

I don't think I will bother seeing all my friends and family. No point letting them mourn/celebrate in advance.

4. Who do you love and why do you love them?
At this point of time, only two people have gained the kind of trust that I have really given out, and they have done so not only by showing their intent and their minds, but through their actions. They are the only people who, if they asked me to suddenly put down all I'm doing and come, do so with no hesitation.

None of them are my family, sadly.

It's not that I don't love people, but these two are exceptional cases. I love everyone regardless of who they are, but people who give me more reason to not warrant my love get less.

5. What do you quote?
I quote mostly on anything that has to do with goodness, equality, justice and love.

6. In those rare but life-changing events, how do you act?
I haven't had many of these...

7. What do you think about most?
Ahhh, the crux of the entire questionnaire... What I think about usually depends on my current state. These days, it's usually about my health and mental condition. I haven't felt completely healthy and energised in a while, and it is one of my principles to take good care of my body.



And so... that totally didn't help. Or maybe I'll receive some revelation in the coming days. Bah.

XOXO

Of Old Specky Guys

Today went for my first political ceramah ever in my life (because I had no reason not to, with me being sooooo free (yeah it's kinda sad in a way), and most importantly because the venue is just literally in my own backyard.

Stood the whole night, I consider it my workout for the day.

It even rained halfway, forcing me to juggle back home to grab an umbrella.

But my favourite moment was at the end when Tony Pua came on. Maybe my friends are right, I have a thing for older guys with spectacles.

Frisson.

Have a great weekend!

Back To Basics

Tomorrow I'm gonna meet a piano teacher for a trial, to see if we fit each other, and also to gauge my current level of playing. I really need to iron out all the bad habits and start playing properly. It has been a while since my last formal lesson, but I had been procrastinating for far too long, so here goes nothing.

Nervous and excited at the same time.

Can't wait!

I Was Thinking...

Think about it: some gays put themselves in a heterosexual relationship.

Storm After The Eye

Hi.

It's been a while, and I guess I was pretty much too uninspired, lazy and indifferent to post anything here. Somehow, the realisation that this nook I have has become more webby (pun not intended) and ostracised far from even the reader I may have garnered has prodded me to actually want to share my recent status here.

That and I needed an outlet. There are some things I don't even tell my Bestie (somewhat because I love her so much, and also probably because I am a little insecure about these things) (and this is weird, because she might just read it all up here anyway) or my other close friends.

I'm still single.

And when I say 'still', I mean that I have yet to ever get official with anyone.

Some people might say, "don't worry, you're still young", or "you should savour your singledom while you still can", or even "you'll find one sooner or later".

The thing is, I already know for myself that I might never ever get a boyfriend. I mean, it's just part of the general probabilities. And it's not just an issue with me being excessively choosy or me being a difficult person to be attached with (although some of my friends might disagree with me and just label me a stubborn cow). I am not happy single. I really am not. And I'm sorry, but I don't believe in the whole "you cannot be happy with someone when you can't be happy by yourself". I might not like crowds, but I want to be with my life partner, and it is sitting high on my lifetime goals.

And being unsuccessful for far too long is starting to take a toll on me and my self-esteem. Yes, I do have my own share of physical and mental insecurities, but each of them are further amplified by extended periods of failure. It doesn't help that some of my friends (the gay ones especially), who keep regaling me with tales of their latest flirts/dates/relationships/sexual exploits.

Somehow, I envy the shallow ones, those who do not give a shit about anyone else, who are hedonists by nature, seeking only pleasures of the flesh and perceived happiness of the mind, sinking deeper into a world they assume they have created by themselves but actually is a construct of their social reality. I wished I could just slut. Yet, I know I can't. I cannot be happy, no matter how many hot guys I sleep with, how great the sex may be, how numerous the possessions I have.

I am so weak.

My 25th birthday just passed.

It was very low profile, and that's fine, but it still isn't a celebration I would have wanted. I wasn't fully well, and sleep has eluded me these couple of days. I only met up with a few, but at this point of time, I really know the friends who really, REALLY, cared for me (and will care for me), and it's just less than a handful. At the same time, I know I should feel lucky. Some people don't even have one.

I must learn to love more. There is already so much hate and indifference in the world.

Sometime back, a friend told me that the only thing his partner needed to have was kindness. The kind of kindness who needs no excuse to be good, that is consistently helpful regardless of whether people take advantage of them. At that point, I argued that you still should be smart enough not to be conned. Months have passed, and I have started to see the reality he has been seeing through. True kindness is really the most important thing.

I don't know where I'm going with all this.

Good night, and love deeply, love kindly.

XOXO
Min