Well, first up I disagree. I honestly believe that many gay people (and straight people too) do not understand the true meaning of travel, and they simply enjoy it as 1. a status symbol of freedom and independence to be able to see the world, 2. a purely hedonistic act of appreciating beauty of people and places, and also 3. an escape from the reality they are leaving behind, however briefly. They stay in good hotels, they never leave their comfort zones, they embrace only the positive and the aesthetically pleasing. These are valid reasons, but they aren't paramount to deeper forms of wanderlust. These are not enough.
When was the last time you were lost?
Travelling is not just about being at a completely new place physically, but also emotionally and mentally. It is about living as a nomad and seeing things through others' perspectives. It is about losing ourselves and immersing into a breathtaking new world without any qualms or any reservations. It is about the opportunity to be the unknown and be any person you want to be.
You learn lessons. You make mistakes too. You get scared and broken. You get surprised. When you truly travel, you come back a different person. You change.
You do not even need to travel far. How well do you know where you come from? I'm a Pee Jay bred boy and I still don't know it as well as I would like it.
For some of us, we only need to look up at the sky. For some of us, we only need to open a book.
“I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.” - Hugh Mackay
Today a brother of a good friend of mine (who is also a good friend of mine himself) lamented on Facebook that there is some sort of taboo that we have on sadness, that we sometimes go all out to avoid sadness of others although it is just a different side of the same coin. I can see where this comes from, especially from motivational speakers who talk about the power of positive psychology on success and all the shebang or simply from the human nature of avoiding discomfort. However, embracing sadness is not about being in the state all the time, or about downplaying the sadness itself. It is about acceptance and about cherishing the mortality of life that gives more meaning, create deeper relationships, and allow ourselves to experience humanity.
When was the last time you felt human?
For me, it was that feeling I had when I pooped. Bliss.
Okay, this is going to be a reasonably deep topic which delves into ethics and morality.
The truth is this: we all have felt ugly before in our lives (yes, even those genetically gifted attractive ones with the rock hard bods). It's doesn't even have to be physically, but also culturally, socially, emotionally, skillfully. Although ugliness itself is a man-made concept which is socially bound based on normative expectations, many of us power this label on each of ourselves and in the way we judge others.
As part of the gay community, I am living testimony that we are (at least somewhat) superficial beings, and to be honest I'm fine with that premise. It is every men's (and women's) goal to find the best possible mate for procreation (or in gay relationships, bragging rights and/or happiness/satisfaction). The problem begins when we as beings of higher consciousness choose to reduce ourselves to primal animals by reinforcing crude labels and judge others based on a singular ideal. I have seen gay people ridicule, disrespect, judge and even ignore those who they feel are inferior physically. I have seen myself do that, and I actually weep at the lost of my own childlike innocence. However, I try very hard not to judge people. I might not be interested in you and I might have my own personal preferences, but you deserve the same amount of respect and love from me as much as everyone else on this planet.
I guess that many of us gay guys (especially on the gay apps) have fallen prey to the negative aspects of a more open 'market'. One, because we always have a huge sampling of the guys around us at our disposal, we establish our own ideals and even strengthen our own unrealistic expectations of our preferred mates. Two, that we have learnt to be lovers first before friends, so that those who do not meet the mating preference can't even be considered for friendship (which can be seen in groups of gays who 'coincidentally' look alike). Three, that as so-called 'visual animals', we have decided to put physical attractiveness as (seemingly) the only factor in determining a mate or at reduce the importance of other factors to the point that we are willing to accept more relationally negative flaws in order to satisfy our own lust (and both you and me know that most of these cases never end up well). Four, we have learnt socially inept ability to ignore others (which is the absolute opposite of love and hate); like those individuals who go to a social event and refuse to talk to anyone. Not all of these points are perfect cases, but together they stifle the cries of those who go unheard and unseen.
After all, aren't we supposed to be the most open-minded, loving and diverse people in the world? Apparently not (or at least not all of us).
Some of us spend so much time and effort to fight for equality in the eyes of society and in legal institutions, but yet we remain as vicious and uncivil beings. Somehow, I believe the reason why we shouldn't have our freedoms yet is because we have not been good testimony as ethical and moral beings. We have not grown beyond our egos to be compassionate about our own kind, and we treat ourselves with the same disrespect that the outside community is already doing to us, yet we complain about them and not about our own inner demons. We are selfish, fighting for rights just because it concerns ourselves, but not the community at large.
And no one is saying you have to be perfect. This internal struggle is a key aspect of being human. I myself can admit that I'm not the most attractive person in the world, and I may not even be above average. I deal with my own insecurities, I don't take it out on others.
It's time to stop being bitches and grow a pair.
P.S.: I'm not out to condemn all gay guys, and I'm not stereotyping that we are all terrible creatures. However, the mere existence of this sort of thinking is already an injustice that I don't think has a place in a world that I want to live in.
Every year, it has become a tradition for me and my high school friend to volunteer at the Maha Vihara temple in Brickfields for Wesak Day. It is even more surprising to many, even to my friend to this day, that I still maintain this practice, seeing that I am already a Christian for several years. To me, helping others is a symbol of love, and I don't know about your god (or lack thereof) my God tells me to love others as much as myself.
It was the first time I helped to pack food in the kitchen for dinner meals, and it is no joke how many people the kitchen actually feeds. Even after almost two hours of hard labour in assembly line fashion, the shelves at the back was still not completely filled with polystyrene packets of rice and dishes. (Not to mention the minor drama that ensued between the Head of Kitchen and the Head Chef and the rest of us, but that is another story.) This is also the first year I have stayed on for so long till about 10pm. It was very tiring but I felt good about myself at the end. It took me the entire of today just to recover, but it's okay as some sacrifices are worth it.
My godbro happened to visit this temple this very year, and I also saw an old colleague. I thought I would see more, but maybe I wasn't observant and/or I was out of sight.
I'll just let the pictures of the floats speak for themselves. These are all taken on my Samsung Galaxy S II with Camera360 with some filters applied for some of them. (The undated photos are probably the originals.)
I'm exhausted staying up to help prepare food for my mum's meditation group celebration in conjunction with Wesak Day tomorrow. I will not be gyming both today and tomorrow, yet I am umable to get enough sleep. Tomorrow I have to wake up early, bake, and deliver the food to my mum. Then I will be joining my high school friend for an annual tradition of helping out at the Buddhist Maha Vihara till the evening.
I only pray that I survive without getting sick or something. I don't want to spend the real weekend resting only.
It's finally time (or so I say) to start cutting, so I've just entered a diet deficit and still trying to maintain the same workouts. It's gonna be a long and strenuous road, and there will be times that I will be emotionally weakened (due to the physiological changes and the psychological stress). I choose to do this not purely for aesthetics, but also for functional health reasons and to test the limit of my own capacities.
My goal will be to drop ~15-20kg to hit a body fat percentage of 10-12%. I'm about 25% body fat now (or so the body impedance test says the last time I checked).
Let's see what happens. If any of you have any tips, or would like to share your experience with me, or is (or will be) going through the same process and wishes to do this together, do leave a message.
Peace out.
P.S.: I've edited the blog title and the general viewability. Blogger has added more fonts and more control from the xhtml side of things, so I have a little more freedom with what I can work with. How do you like it?
I know of all you are getting jaded, those of you from Malaysia, with all the black profile pictures, the constant flood of evidence of fraud, and most importantly the consistent bullshittery of which comes from the mouths of our beloved rulers. We have just witnessed the absolute worst case of fraud in the history of our nation this 13th General Elections, and many of us keep fighting even despite the hopelessness of an authoritarian regime for one and only one reason: because it is the right thing to do.
I for one, cannot stand injustice. I for one, will stand and fight.
Lots of drama to ensue over the next few days and weeks.
