This is For Yesterday II - AE,IACBTBAB

Fact: Yesterday, I was called back to work and had a 20 hour day. I was writing this post halfway when I got the call. Thus, the real title should be:

After Everything, 

It All Comes Back 

To Being A Boy

You can argue all you want, but all talk and no action is bollocks. Yes you heard me right: bollocks. However, all action and no talk is a purely primal act, of which we cannot be classified as human. Take your pick.

Today, I feel inspired enough to blog about the one thing everyone can relate to: games, specifically video games. You know what it is to one degree or another. From the enormously crafted world of Azeroth in World of Warcraft, to the intimate role-playing games from Japan, to the many simulation games of both sports and life itself, to the social networking games that even those who claim to not play games play: games are games, entertaining, immersive, and just simply a whole lot of fun. I've done my fair share of playing myself, and you can argue that games are worthless and of no substantial use to building an individual's future.

Obviously, I disagree. And I'm probably not the only one.

First, I suggest that you watch 2 (+1 I found today) videos before we continue:

Extra Credits: Gamification
TED: Gaming Can Make A Better World
TED: The World Peace Game

If you have not watched the videos, don't bother continuing, you won't be interested.

Edit: This is where I got the call. But, let's continue.

If you have done the homework above, yes, I know: impressive, inspiring, innovative methods to solving problems that even politicians today can barely dream of. We need to do this. We must do this. If even fourth grade students from a general American school can solve global issues, the adults have much to learn from the people who have no seniority, experience, or expert skills of any type, and armed only with relative innocence, childhood tact and plain simplicity of thought.

Specifically, we can start by advocating civil rights here in Malaysia. You don't need to hold pickets or organize large campaigns or events: you simply need to support the people who are already doing so, or by just changing the way you act in certain circumstances. If you think the stereotypical gay lifestyle is a game, no it isn't.

No it definitely isn't.

Argh, my thoughts are all messed up now. Will get back to this topic soon. To sum up this complex topic, go ahead and play. However, learn to play by the rules before you start breaking them.

Meh.

Edit: If you feel empowered enough, visit the Official 29 Ways Malaysia Website and share it with your friends. Remember to sign the petition on number 14 and memorandum on number 15, it's only a few clicks for a better future.

:)/Hopeful/29 Ways

Still early days, but I'm hopeful.

:)

Extremely happy for the friend too!

And take that biological clock!

Edit: Actually went for 29 Ways organized by PT Foundation for IDAHO (International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia). People, please stand up or not exist. You have no privilege to criticise the country till you do something.

After Bleaching My Toilet And Missing Swimming...

Thanks for going out with me tonight, friends alone are hard to come by.

Can't wait!

Writing about the future is indeed humorously comforting. I hope this is the self-fulfilling prophecy in action, upward obviously.

Scared Of The Weekend

Yeah, you heard me right.

No, I don't have anything to attend to that freaks me out, neither are there any hateful people that I have to meet with. There's just a window of opportunity to do anything I want, and I have no plans yet; the thought of just letting the weekend go by is scary as it is, sometimes to the point I wished there was work tomorrow so I can forget about thinking.

I know, I'm weird.

The Sunday still looks tempting.

Hmmm.

Meh.


Edit: I have a friend who is smitten now. I'm so happy for him!

Hubungan Sejenis

Had a good laugh at work today over the strange inaccuracy phenomenons that often occur when you translate words to another language, specifically English to Malay. Here are some of what we translated and what out fantastic comedians at the national censorship board do for a living:

Safety Body Harness: Pencegah Kejatuhan

High Visibility Vest: Pakaian Tinggi Kenampakan

Batman: Orang Kelawar

Salt (The Movie): Garam

Independence Day: Hari Merdeka

The Day After Tomorrow: Lusa

Faster: Kecepatan

That's just the tip of the iceberg, but that's the only few I can think of right now. You'd probably be able to list more.

Another thing that I noticed is that I'm getting too accustomed to a Mac. Just a moment ago, I tried to copy something by pressing ALT-C.

Hahahahaha. Maaf, syiok sendiri banyak-banyak (Sorry, having fun with myself too much).

Meh.

Yeah, I Can Psycho You

Fact: I'm a psychology major.


Can I read your mind? Honestly, I can't. Instead of helping me hone my skills, studying psychology actually made me more open to individualism, which makes people-reading almost improbable (but not altogether impossible). Do I want to read your mind? Yes, much. I personally hate to pry into other people's privacy though. Then why? I really want to know what others are really thinking about me. Yes, even in retrospect, I do sound fickle minded and shallow. I don't want to listen to praises, accolades, compliments. I want to know the truth, nothing exaggerated, and definitely without the socially required tack.

How else am I supposed to change, to self-reflect, to adapt?

All that aside, my art director is such a nice person. She dances, plays the piano, and loves musicals. We'll be getting along well. Work's good. I pity my designers.

Meh.

Why I Have Slutty Friends/29 Ways

Why do I have slutty friends?

For you who have answered the question for me with "because you are a slut", I shall put down with much disappointment and intentional chutzpah. For those who are willing to give me a benefit of a doubt, step in. I shall, myself, step in too, for I have never consciously thought much about such things up till today.

There are too many variations of the definition of slut, so I'm going to take the easy way out, which is to not talk about it. There is one thing clear about the matter though: you will know one when you know one. So what's up with the whole slut issue? I have never had a good impression of a person I find out to be one, regardless of whether I know him long enough or if I happen to understand the content of his character. Sluttiness itself is an issue of morality and ethics of relationship, an arguably gray area that neither side can fully understand. I was on one side before, but now I stand the middle ground, the sharp points of the picket fence right up my arse.

So do I have a thing against sluts? Honestly, I used to be. I thought they were scum of the world, playing with people's feelings and thoughts. However, forcing myself to sit on the fence has taught me to observe to both sides, forcing myself to put down the barriers of stereotypes and prejudices. Some sluts are the nicest people around; if you never knew that they are slutty, you would have thought that they are exemplary individuals for being the law-abiding citizens. Some non-sluts on the other hand, have the worst personalities and strange and aggressively unnecessary hypocritical mindsets. Of course, these are not stereotypes by themselves, but rather exposure to the different layers of characterization you can place on a specific type of person.

So do you advocate sluttiness? Definitely no! To be honest, the pattern shows that most sluts seem to settle down after a while, some earlier than others. They are fun to listen to at times, but after a while it gets a little degrading. I do push them to settle down earlier if I can, but no forcing is involved. So do you stay around them only because you hope that you can change them? I thought this was the reason, that I was just trying got help, but heck was I wrong. I don't want to change them, I want them to change themselves, even if they get hurt in the process for only then is there learning and true understanding. I'm just willing to catch them if they fall from high enough.

29 Ways.

It's happening this Sunday, an initiative by the (if I am not mistaken) the same organizers who ran Seksualiti Merdeka to educate people about LBGTIQ individuals. It includes, other than educational materials for the general public, an all-inclusive brainstorming session to generate ideas for the right of our independence. Should I be there? Should I show support in the advancement of our rights? Should I dare to stand out, voice out, think out aloud in this forum of similar-minded individuals who are willing to fight, not just hide? Should I risk a higher chance of being outed, just to push for something I believe in?

I don't know yet. Anyone wanna come with me?

Meh.

Waiting Work

My job requires a lot of waiting, at least for this season of the company's corporate calendar.

To be honest, I pity the graphic artists/designers more; although they work crazy fast, their workload seems much more massive than mine. I'm not saying that writing copy is easy, I still take up to several hours to come out with several options for one brief. And that's not even including concept work at the beginning of a new campaign.

Still loving what I'm doing very much, not dreading work at all, so lucky me. The hours are long, but still bearable as of now.

The only issue is that more than half the office communicates in Chinese when work isn't involved; it's harder on my soul than my ears, not because of the language barrier but because of the different levels of incompatibilities that exist because of that.

Meh.

Positional Compatibility > All (Exceptions Included)

Observation: After starting to align myself more in line with a copywriter's mindset, I start to notice plenty of double meanings everywhere. This is one of them:

Private Structure Puns. Focus on "Casual Top", "Casual Bottom" and "Shop By Cutting".

I've been thinking again about relationships, not about getting one (although that would be a bonus) but about the things you have to look out for before starting one. I've done some of the preliminary discussion in my previous post here, and I just want to expand on that thinking. But to sum up, that post talks about having no expectations, with any perks being a complete bonus.

The more I think, the more I believe that your partner has to be your positional counterpart: top-bottom, versatile-versatile, versatile (preferring top)-versatile (preferring bottom), or non-penetrative-non-penetrative. This is the absolute mix up if you want to settle down with the principles of homosexual fidelity (when you take flings and casual ONS into account, the equation breaks apart) and it's more important than dominance. I'm not saying that other mix ups will not work, but there will be more than plenty of compromises to be made. Sex isn't everything anyway.

And no matter how much people say that versatiles do not exist, I believe in the concept much. Read it up a little in my previous post here.

And what's up with the whole 'if a gay person asks another gay person to have dinner together it means he is interested in him' misconception? People, there is such thing as an ordinary friendship; the only thing different is that both persons share the same sexual orientation. Same goes for the 'the only reason a gay person goes to a gay club is to get hooked up' mentality. Seriously, stop giving everyone else reason to stereotype us anymore.

Still giving much thought to going down to Singapore for the Pink Dot event:

More importantly, still dreaming a reality for Pink Dot Malaysia. We can't possibly wait till legalization is done, civil rights are always won the hard way.

Meh.

Simple Pleasures

The weekend is much more appreciated, now that I'm working.

Slow, leisurely shopping of which I buy clothes which are smaller or tighter to motivate myself to keep my fitness up.

Smoothly breaking the surface of the pool and feeling the water glide around your body as you move forward in a rhythmic path: intensely calming.

Chewing on shaved ice, cendol and pure white glutinous rice while frigid coconut milk and palm sugar syrup stimulates your taste buds and flow down your oral cavity: immensely comforting.

The only thing that calls to me the entire day is that shiny, brown, 88-long instrument of which I run my fingers on, banging on it at random with the best of both white and black goodness.

The day has not ended yet...

Oh, gonna go out for din din.

Meh.

TGIF/Pirates 4/Overbonding

It's Friday, that by itself is self-explanatory.

Watching Pirates 4 with colleagues for a little ber-bonding session. Hopefully can get to know more of them better.

I'm not a fan of getting too close with colleagues, or spending too much time with them, this is just a one off reprieve. I find that it is enough that we work long hours together, there is no need for external time-share. Same goes for romantic interests, although there are a few nice guys in the office, most of which are the Ching Chong Ting Tong Ling Long variety (no offense).

Meh.

Accelerating Workload

It's the second day, and I'm starting to feel productive, but not altogether effective. Left at 8.00 pm, and it'll probably degenerate over the months. Sigh indeed. Am I going to be stuck here for the rest of my life?

Putting that aside, I feel utilized and able to contribute towards some form of a society. Yay me. Took me a little time to adjust to writing copy which already had direction, had to adapt to writing style, theme, appropriateness of location and other factors. Hopefully I'm getting better at it slowly.

My life is going to slowly be revolving a lot around work, so I'm not even sure whether I'll be able to churn out quality reads or just rants and ramblings. Oh well, life's a tornado anyway.

Meh.

I Freakin' Nearly Died

OH. EM. GEE.

I almost ran into an accident today on my way back from home, but it is seriously too embarrassing for me to tell about the real reason why it almost happened, so please give me some leeway in that sense. Putting shame aside, I seriously freakin' almost died; the type of death I wouldn't even knew happened if it did. Thank God, thank my guardian angels, thank 0.00001% chance of survival.

I'm already over the shock, but each time I retrospect, I become more aware how close I was to death without even realizing it till the last minute.

Other than that, first day of work was slow, mostly administrative issues and doing homework to know the clients. Sleepless days are not far away. Will blog again in a less dying moment.

Meh.

Smell Me

Was talking with a friend after the previous clubbing session and he gracefully mentioned that I should groom myself more. Since he is a close friend, such conversation does not sting at all, and the one thing that I accepted thankfully was the need to use a fragrance. We'll come back to that in a while.

My wardrobe is probably the worst wardrobe ever for a gay person, seriously (putting stereotypes aside). It is a little better than it was a few years ago, when travelling for long periods meant packing your entire wardrobe. It's not that I don't shop a lot, it's just that I'm a little picky with what I buy. I'm also not using my own money yet, so I always feel a sense of guilt whenever I spend too much, which is easy in today's apparel realm. Argh, really wanted that pair of CK Jeans but half a K is no big joke.

In the end, I settled for two comfortable singlets. I never wore them much in the past, not only because I was never really exposed to them in childhood, but also because I never had large assets to show. I guess it's time for me to get more and more comfortable with my own body (and unconsciously prod myself towards my optimal body shape).

At the end of the trip, I mentioned to my mum that I needed a fragrance, and we stopped by the CK fragrance roadshow in front of Pavilion. All the samples failed my nose test, mostly because they were too citrusy for my liking. After that, we headed to the relatively new Sephora opened right in front of Starhill Gallery, which happened to stock men's fragrance too. After a gazillion trials of which I think the very helpful Malay male assistant was becoming a little agitated, I found it.

How do you tell, seriously? It's like breathing into a clear open space, of which the lingering undertones and drifting overtones stroll smoothly through your nasal cavities, without them forcefully attacking your senses. It is subtle, yet firm, and does not . Yeah, poetic evaluation at its best necessity .

So this is me:

D&G Light Blue. The box is furry, really.

Who are you?

Will shop more when I start working; it's a need, not even a want. Starting work tomorrow!

Edit: And just a small reminder to people out there, fragrances are worn on your body, not on the clothes. Spritz away on your wrists and neck.

Committing To Insecurity

I am going to start work in 2 days time, at an advertising firm where people are known to be slaves to their work. I'm not saying I don't look forward to it; it's pretty exciting as of now. However, knowing that you will be on probation for a relatively long period of time without securities really makes you worried.

Yes, I do get reprieves, like a very cohesive team to work with where social support is a defaulted program and the freedom to come in with almost casual wear. Hopefully that, together with the competitive and stimulating environment, will keep me sane and allow me to climb a self-made ladder to higher grounds.

I'm not just selling my soul, rather my entire body and life. Welcome to reality.

Meh.

Edit: Wanted to challenge myself to a smaller version of the Kusudama variant; it's only almost half the size of the first one but took more than twice the time to make the individual pieces and assemble them:

Inverted Stella Conica 2, barbabellaatje. 

30 Pieces of Paper, Inverted

Summary of weekend: swim, club, met mostly taken individuals, swim.

I'm still brainstorming for a birthday present for someone and I got so bored I actually spent time making this:

Inverted Stella Conica, barbabellaatje. 30 pieces of paper.

Work is creeping closer and closer, and still haven't gotten work clothes sorted out.

Meh.

100 Things About Me

Blogger was down yesterday, but this lengthy post will make up for it. Presenting 100 things you probably not know about me:


1. My favourite food is curry, especially the one sinfully made with coconut milk which gets so thick your noodles can float on the gravy.
2. My first ever ambition as a child was to be an artist.
3. I don't particularly hate sweating, but I loath the sticky feeling of soaked tops on my skin. That's why I prefer swimming, an activity where you cannot feel yourself sweat.
4. Ny name was given by my granddad; if my dad had his way, I'd be called Min Zhao.
5. I bake, desserts mostly, but sometimes I feel festive enough for a stuffed chicken.
6. I really should inherit/learn a lot of classic dishes (of all races) since most aren't always passed down to the next generation in today's society.
7. The sexiest part of my body (in my opinion) are my fingers.
8. I am a situational perfectionist; I may leave things as they are, but when I sort things out I want them spick and spotlessly arranged.
9. I had crushes on members of both sexes in high school, but only sexual attraction for the obvious.
10. I thank my dad's relatively horrid cooking during my childhood for my wide range of dietary preferences and my tolerance for almost all food.

11. My favourite movie is currently Black Swan. It was previously Memento. In retrospect, maybe they are tied...
12. I wanted to laugh so much when I watched Burn After Reading, but no one in the cinema was laughing, so I pathetically conformed.
13. I play video games; it has been a compulsive thing in the past, but today I enjoy analyzing games and reading about new concepts of gamifying the world.
14. I don't ride rollercoasters; I feel completely vulnerable when I ride it although I know where the tracks lead.
15. I almost always have popcorn at the movies, caramel with small layers of salted butter in between.
16. In total, I have lost two and broke one of my previous phones. My current one is more ancient the other three, but is lasting much longer.
17. I carry a chequebook wallet (which is not a clutch no matter how you look at it) because my previous wallets couldn't withstand my sweaty pockets and I can't stand the large mass which sticks out on one side.
18. There aren't any cheques inside though. Not yet, at least.
19. I am a terribly bad haggler, a total oppposite from my dad.
20. My preferred forms of alcohol are coffee/cream based liquors, followed by other sweet liquors/ale/wines, followed by liquors in general, followed by wines, and beers at the end.

21. I learnt to play the Gu Zheng, or the Chinese zither, but I decided to forgo it to concentrate on my piano.
22. I did choral speaking in primary school and choir in secondary school.
23. I'm still using a prepaid plan for my handphone. Once, I lasted almost a year without reloading during my university life.
24. I peed on my maid's face before; apparently I was sleep-peeing.
25. I peed in my kindergarden before; we were practicing a dance for the annual ball and I asked the teacher for permission but was denied. The teacher scolded me for not going myself after, tsk.
26. Just to clarify things, I currently have a very well-trained bladder.
27. I was a bookworm when I was small, digesting graphical encyclopedias like no tomorrow. I think that was the biggest reason I could survive school without much issue.
28. In Form 5, I took the Malaysian Mensa Society's IQ Test and scored 180. (Yes I'm smart, but seriously IQ Tests are beatable.)
29. When I take a vacation, I prefer to slowly take in the surroundings and mix with the locals rather than hurriedly visit tourist hotspots.
30. I am a little awkward about my height most of the time unless I'm with taller friends; I stand at 6' 1"/185 cm.

31. My favourite colour is red.
32. The dish I can eat as every meal of every day of my life is the Pan Mee you get at Restoran Gembira, Taman Megah; I've grown up on this and I have never gotten bored.
33. To me, Doraemon is one of the, if not the most innovative comic of its time.
34. If you are a big fan of psychothrillers/crime stories and haven't read Liar Game by Shinobu Kaitani, please do. It's one of my favourite manga.
35. Every morning, it is a habit for me to drink tonnes of water to flush everything out.
36. I unconsciously grind my teeth at night, and I wear a mouthguard to circumvent that.
37. I played with soft toys when I was young, and it did help improve my imagination loads. My favourite is a monkey named Monkeney (I was young...).
38. My favourite toy as of now is Lego; just three days ago, I learnt to join two pieces in a way I have never thought was possible.
39. I loved big four-wheel drives before, but after driving in PJ for so long, I currently love small cars and my dream car is now a BMW 1 Series.
40. At my job interview, when asked whether I liked any adverts, I answered that I don't particularly like any adverts in general. I still got the job...

41. My favourite classical music piece is Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 5 or better known as the Emperor Concerto. The best rendition to me was played by Krystian Zimerman and conducted by Leonard Bernstein with the Wiener Philharmoniker.
42. Despite my preference for classical music, I listen to K-Pop a lot.
43. I desperately want to learn a piece for two pianos with someone.
44. If you have never seen competition level aerobic gymnastics, try watching some online; I think the male doubles category is seriously disturbing despite being gay and all.
45. I am not afraid of growing old, but I want to do it gracefully.
46. I do not use hair products unless the bush on my head needs serious taming; I hate it when sweat mixes with whatever I use and trickle down my forehead.
47. I have only visited five foreign countries: Singapore, Thailand, Cambodia, China and Australia.
48. I have a very stringent biological clock which does not let me reclaim lost sleep easily; once, I slept at 4 am after finishing my project and wanted to sleep in but automatically woke up at 7 am. I couldn't sleep again until the next night.
49. The furthest I have driven to is Ipoh.
50. I can sleep anywhere even in almost upright positions.

51. I am a 'banana person' (literal translation from the Chinese phrase used to denote Chinese people who do not know any form of the Chinese language). Technically, my mothertongue was English, so I can't be blamed.
52. I am seven eighths part Hakka (Ho Poh) and an eighth part Cantonese.
53. Whenever I see an old coin (the ones that has big numbers on the heads portion), I keep it and add it to my collection. It's a casual collecting hobby with almost no effort required.
54. My last watch slipped into the ocean while I was kayaking from Lumut to Pangkor. It has been seven and a half year since.
55. Currently, I think A&W is a better option than McDonald's. Similarly, I think Popeye's is a better option than KFC. Subway trumps all though.
56. Since I'm on the topic of trumps, I know how to play bridge, and I think it is one of the most exciting card games ever.
57. I write using black pens, or black-blue at least. My staple is a Black G 1 Grip.
58. I hate wearing full formal; it is uncomfortable and definitely not Malaysian weather friendly.
59. My favourite fish, which I was first exposed to at the Sydney Aquarium, is the cowfish.
60. I started sleeping naked a few months ago after reading someone's blog.

61. I am very picky about the apples and oranges I eat: Japanese Fuji and Royal Gala apples as well as Navel oranges.
62. I don't like eating pineapples by itself; even though the eyes are all removed, they still leave a raw sensation on my tongue.
63. Due to genetics, I cannot roll my tongue and I have half moon nails.
64. In high school, everyone thought that I should be a debater/lawyer because I can talk assertively. However, I don't have the same composure on stage or in front of a crowd.
65. I have never seen any ghosts or spirits before. I believe they exist, but I'm glad that I was not given the gift/curse.
66. I have the stamina of a long distance walker, not a short distance runner, which makes me a perfect hiker/trekker but a horrible marathoner. One of my goals is to run a marathon without stopping to walk.
67. I love snacking on pagoda, a type of Indian murukku.
68. When I go to a bistro or a relatively higher class restaurant, I tend to order a burger.
69. I was thrice an editor, pioneering 3 separate newsletters.
70. I am an avid reader of Malcolm Gladwell, which means I don't believe in reading Robert Kiyosaki, Donald Trump, or Mark Zuckerberg.

71. The series of books I am trying to find, which I first did in the Malaysian National Library, is called 'Uncle', which tells a story of a land ruled by an elephant king and his adventures with the animal folk.
72. I couldn't even finish the first book of Lord of the Rings; I slept when I reached the part where the main group met Arwen.
73. My favourite cooking base to start with are caramelized onions.
74. I prefer using desktops compared to laptops, probably because of my preference for gaming. My current one has lasted almost six years.
75. I am not allergic to any food, but I had several rare and isolated cases of allergies where I had to take anti-histamines.
76. I only have four shoes: one each for hiking, running, all-purpose and formal.
77. One of my biggest flaw is my tendency to forget to drink water, especially when I am engrossed in an activity which requires concentration.
78. I prefer coffee over tea, but I love both very much.
79. Many individuals have left Malaysia for greener pastures, which is to me a very valid reason. One of the reasons I'm staying back is because I believe that there is still so much potential for change and growth.
80. My previous job application was to work for a musical production firm. It didn't work out.

81. I am the eldest and only son of the eldest son of the eldest son. I have a legacy to live, but...
82. I do not like eating unboned fish because of all the small bone incidents when I was small; I'm too lazy to eat carefully.
83. A common dish I have been making for myself lately is scrambled eggs + prawns + chickpeas + chopped seeded cucumber salad, all made in one pot.
84. My proudest dessert is the fabled dacquoise, but I haven't even come close to perfecting it yet. The runner up would be the classic tiramisu.
85. My biggest fear is of being alone.
86. I do not regret anything I have done in life. Everything in the past is the reason I exist.
87. I find folding origami to be very cathartic.
88. It bothers me much when I can see/hear something in my head but cannot accurately produce it on paper/the piano.
89. I got slapped by a teacher in primary school for calling her stupid for selling custom art block paper for a competition. She is the only teacher I think should be stripped of her position.
90. I am a Christian, a doubtful one at best. Faith without doubt is knowing, and knowing is not believing.

91. I am bad at dealing with young children. I can try to be nice to them, but it drains me much.
92. I own a nostril hair trimmer.
93. During my high school days, I was a wanderer: I knew a lot of people, but wasn't particularly close to anyone.
94. Each time my handphone receives a message, I optimistically claim that I am famous. However, it usually is some system service reminder or spam...
95. I have not taken any subject tuition ever, I only take tuition for musical instruments or memory.
96. I see myself teaching at least once in my life.
97. When I pass away, I do not wish to be buried, rather cremated and spread all over the world.
98. Once, I mistaken salt for sugar, spoiling the entire batch. That is the first and (hopefully) last time this will happen.
99. Brothers are usually protective of their sisters; I am not. My two sisters are women of great power who will kick ass if thats what it calls for.
100. I am happiest when the people that matter to me are happy, as long as I'm not too deep in misery.

There you go. it was indeed a huge challenge to write it all without making them look repetitive.

The Kindness Debate Expunged, Kind Of

Fact: This is the post of 12 May 2001, Screw Blogger editor.


Fact: Never mind, got it to go back...

What do we look for in a future mate? Some people start at the most primal of variables: physique, sexual attraction, skill, and stamina. Others focus on intellectual traits: similarities of interest, complimentary differences, maturity of thought, and independence. The final group looks at certain criterion which are harder to define and measure: personality, principles, philosophies, and moralities. Of course, most people sit somewhere between these three crossroads, or complete lack thereof.

In the previous discussion I had with a friend, we talked about kindness. His definition of absolute kindness was represented by an individual who was able to intentionally allow another individual to take advantage of him/herself regardless of intention of the advantage-taking, but with the condition that he/she tells the individual that he/she is intentionally allowing the act to happen in the hopes that the individual would repent or at least learn kindness in return. (Whoa, got that out. I think this long statement of an analogy would reduce the amount of text to define the already difficult construct. Let's move on.)

Of course, a person who was able to meet such criterion of absolute kindness which is totally unconditional would be God Himself, the same way perfect love would be applied. If we are already having so much trouble defining this, and we know that the individuals who come close are almost impossible to find, why do we still try look for this in a future mate? Why are we even looking for any criterion in a mate, when being selective already means that we are being unkind and conditional? Shouldn't we work on our own flaws, our own insecurities, our own ability to love unconditionally and our capacity to be kind to everyone?

The discussion was initially prompted by another dilemma: how would you answer when your partner asks "What is it about me that you like?" The obvious challenge was to find something that could match the reply "I love your kindness." Compared to the cheesy "I love your [insert positive physical/mental/emotional trait]", I actually responded that the statement "I love your every flaw and imperfection" was a completely valid answer, but was harshly shot down with the excuse that you'd be flamed much over such a comment. But my argument was this: if the person you are with was the right one, every answer you give will be the right answer, and vice versa for the wrong one. They do not care about such trivialities. They know how deep your response actually meant.

So how do I tell that someone is the one (other than with subjective kindness)?

I want to be with a guy who I can share moments of success, shame, grief, and even apathy. I want to be with a guy of whom I can stare into his eyes and both enjoy each other's company in silence (and I'm not talking about the lovestruck stage). I want to be with a guy of which I will think of whenever anything happens, of which will flood my mind even in the strangest of times. I want to be with a guy who sees us as a single entity, to be interdependent. I want to be with a guy of which we are both in the very center of each others' already fragile heart, to be linked by more than just elements of love, or sociality, but by the very fabric of our very own existence.

Everything else is complimentary and totally bonus material. Hardy har har, perhaps finding for kindness would be easier...

I don't want to be in love alone.

Meh.


Edit: Tomorrow, I'll do a post on "100 Things About Me" which I am challenged to do after reading Strictly G.'s version. We'll see how it goes.

I Don't Want To Be In Love Alone

Love Alone, Miss A.

Any other K-Pop fans out there?

Meh.

Of Ducatis And Being Wanted

The past two days have been an interesting roller-coaster ride for me in more than one way.

I had the opportunity to help host two great friends from Singapore who arrived with style on a modified Ducati, apparently screaming the highways at 180 kmph ignoring any importance of federal regulated speed limits. It was a rather impulsive act, with them only making the decision the morning itself, starting off at noon, and reaching miraculously 4 hours later. They wanted to stay at a hotel but I pointed at the best free home-stay in PJ a.k.a. my sisters' empty room which they accepted gracefully.

The remaining of the day was spent taking them to KL's Golden Triangle, which they also returned to the next day to pick up the desired purchases and find other lost treasures including eclectic cuff-links and angry birds. They were fun to hang out with with strange conversations of innovative watch concepts, philosophical debates on kindness and funny puns on rubber/cloth in-between-the-toes-thingy on flip flops. And watching them make singular impulsive purchases was like giving a box of candy to a group of ravenous wide button-eyed children. Not only that, such is simplicity that a large glass of juice is more than sufficient to put the two to eternal contentment. Good company indeed.

Then it happened. While I was playing Monopoly Deal with one of them to pass time till dinner time approached, I got the message:

"We're happy to offer you a position here based on your application."

If you read this before everything on top, you are forgiven.

Yes. From the company I was holding up for. From the company that I was somehow dreading to work for at a point in time. From the company of which their field is a new area for me to venture into with my creative ability.

I was elated. Suddenly, I knew how much I actually wanted the job, not because I'm too tired to find another one, but because I feel absolutely wanted despite my non-advertorial background. In fact, I actually wondered how bad the other candidates must have been for me to get it. I'm wanted now, but I will make myself hunted later. Soon, sent the two roaring down my street with happy memories and sent bestie back wishing each other awesomeness and comfort, the perfect end of random two consecutive days.

Thanks to those who have either pulled invisible strings or supported me in my search for something that seemed beyond my ability and comfort level. You know who you are. Karma has indeed turned a full circle after several unknown revolutions. God bless!

Meh.


Edit: More information to come. HR will contact me tomorrow about the offer, but I'd probably take the job regardless of what happens. Crossing fingers.

This Is For Yesterday I

Fact: I (one) because there probably will be more in the future.

I am too busy hosting two great friends from Singapore, so I missed my daily blog post. This is for yesterday. I promise to make today's one more filled with content. Double posting rocks.

Meh.

M P Non-Virgin

It was close to midnight and I was headed to my first clubbing experience which also happened to be my first out-of-the-closet step to people in the circle. Nifty.

The first half of the experience involves staring at the Petronas Twin Towers, ogling at guys in the dark (curse you astigmatism!), and basically walking around a little. No one approached me and I definitely wasn't brazen enough to approach anyone on my first time there.

In the third quarter, I drank a little. It didn't really take off the edge or remove the safety switch, but quenching my thirst at that moment seemed the right thing to do. Nevertheless, still 'tiang-ing' away.

In the conclusive part of the night morning, I danced away at the dance floor. The wonders of a small dance floor is that you have no space to pull off flashy moves, so even the most stiff of people can shake a little and enjoy the music and crowd. Music moves me much, and I was saved the torture of listening to trance or techno but allowed to freely dive into the waters of house music, which was not bad altogether. Yeah. Must remember NOT to wear long jeans there ever again.

In all, a relatively interesting eye-opening experience to a M P Virgin like me. Heck, when we were leaving I was just getting into the mood. Thanks to pluboy and made-out-with-everyone-friend for being my 'guardians'. Looking forward to the next trip, hopefully with more people I know.

Man In Fear of Clubbing Haven

I shall tackle two conundrums that have been crossing my mind lately.

First, I wish to tackle the whole semiotics of the word 'man' (and its plural form 'men'). I know this doesn't apply to everyone within the circle, but I have noticed that some individuals do not like to be affiliated with the term 'man'; as in, they do not agree that they are 'men'. They have no problems with the term 'male', but somehow they think that being labeled as 'men' brings about heterosexual undertones and responsibilities. I do not agree with this. We are still human after all. But to each his own...

The second is simpler: I haven't been to a club before.

Pubs? Yes. Bars? Yes. But clubs? Never.

Why not? (And don't give me the whole stereotypical generalization that gay men love to club, dance to Gaga and paint rainbows in their life. Okay, maybe the third is fine.)

I keep coming up with excuses that I'm tired, that I'm busy, that I do not know other people there, that I don't believe in the lifestyle. Some are genuinely valid reasons, but I believe that the main reason I don't is that throughout my life, I have been subliminally drilled to believe understand that clubs are for people with no priorities in life, that they are people with no substance and shallow to the core, that they support the flingy lifestyle of relationship paradigms (and of course without much need to elaborate, they are a complete ripoff for a non-working individual).

I cannot be any more wrong. There are people who are sincerely nice and have no hidden agendas (other than to meet new people of the same type). Heck, my close friends club too, perhaps not as much as the regulars, but still. I'm being the hypocritical self that I always am, perhaps because I never see myself getting there and everything seemed too much like a dream.

Hopefully tonight will change.

As usual, chastity belt is on 24/7. Metaphorically. Or perhaps, metaphoriterally.

Meh.

Lovebitten Nipple

A prerogative of sleeping bare is a mosquito bite on the right nipple.

Meh.

Sorting Out Priorities

Until my work becomes more intense to the point that I'll start forgetting to update my blog, I think I'll force myself to do some self-reflection here. A letter to myself, a note.

I. Mathematics Homework

Equation Of Work
Work (Passion) > Work (Passion and Money) > Work (Tedium) > Bumming > Work (Hate) > Retired

Equation of Interest
Peoples' Life > Music > Art > Food > Everything Else

Equation of Health
Immune System > Athletic > Looks

Equation of Relationships
Not-So-Distant-Future Beloved > Family > Bestie > Inner Circle > Outer Circle > Acquaintances > Strangers > SFP > The Voided

Equation of Food
Fruits and Vegetable > Protein < > Carbohydrates < > Fats (Under Construction - Can I contract anyone to do this for me...)

Equation of Exercise
Swimming > Other Sweat-Conscious Activities (Seriously need to change this...)

Equation of Equations
Relationships > Everything Else (Specifically, the first...)

II. To-Do List (In no particular order)

1. Clean bedroom
2. Find language classes
3. Sign up for marathon, and therefore start running
4. Continue hunt for job
5. Finalize plan for New Zealand trip for sister's convocation cum family holiday
6. Spend less, save more
7. Maintain relationships

Meh.

When Clean Toilets Make You Proud

I need to be more productive.

Meh.

12 Inches Boy-Toy

Aster. 12 Inch Porcelain Cake Stand, Ecology.

I call him Aster. Can't wait to start using him.

What were you thinking?

Meh.

Short But Definitely Not Sweet Update

Saved for edit below.


Meh.

Edit: I'll introduce everyone to my new toy tomorrow. Promise. With pictures.

Edit 2: I have been replaced so fast. Time to move pass the 100% point of moving on.

Edit 3: Apparently I was wrong. Hmmm.

How A Food Trip Fails

Observation: Labor day crowds are scary! Ipoh people do not all have good skin. Ipoh people are shorter in general.

Ipoh Mari!

Dim Sum? Check!

Heong Peah? Check!

Hor Fun? Bean Sprouts? Chicken? Check!

Awesome-Imported-Porcelain-Cake-Stand which has nothing to do with Ipoh? Check!

Pomelo? Check!

Authentic Ipoh White Coffee? Failed to compute.

Epic fail!

Meh.